female advice needed please

[solus]

Originally Posted by Cowgirl

It is a problem being a female sometimes isn't it? I can really start to hate men when they say "right, off to water some plants" in that jolly way thay have & you know you can't do that because you'll end up weeing on your knickers or sitting on a nettle!

The design of our plumbing system is proof to me that God was definitely a man!

I have to confess I personally have never tried this but it would have been very useful indeed when I used to go birding more than I do at present and a mountain-walking friend says she has used them with success - a device called the "She Pee" which means we too can do it standing up. Easily found by an internet search. My trouble is that I'm terribly shy about these things and hate the very idea that people might know or guess what I'd been doing in the undergrowth!

Not that this is any help to Char 213 as hers is a somewhat different problem.

[Kayleigh]

This reminds me of me and a friend were out riding one day miles form anywhere she decided she needed a pee we got to a gate she dismounted to open the gate.
I held the horse while she relived herself.
I kept lookout from my mount who was only 14hh I saw the farmer a young lad on a quad bike approaching at speed..
She pulled her garments up so fast and mounted her horse and we then cantered off and out of sight...

[solus]

He he! I used to ride alone quite a bit - a round, lazy 13.2 pony and on more than one occasion out in the woods had to hold his reins while squatting on the ground hoping he wouldn't take off into the distance...! D'you know, I was even embarrassed about him seeing me!

[bee warrior]

I believe you can get an 'app' for the iphone which shows you where the nearest toilets are! Appreciate that may not be helpful under the 'caught short' scenario but it seems pretty useful if you have an iphone. I think.

[JoulesH]

I am fortunate on not having IBS or any other problems with my bowels, but having worked on farms and in the countryside for years going beating etc I have had many amusing experiences! Boiler suits and female anatomy do not make for a quick pit stop and being on your period is a real pain too (in more ways than one)!

When hop-picking as a student, hauling hops (tractor driving) about 2 miles between the hop yards and the machine shed, I was desparate for a pee one day and it was quite a walk back at the machine shed to the loos. Hop-picking is all about team work and keeping all parts of the operation running smoothly and I didn't want to hold up the others as the tractor drivers were at that point the slowest part of the operation as we were on the furthest hop yard. Anyway I had noted where all the other 6 tractor drivers were on the circuit and when I reckoned it was safe, just pulled up next to a hedge and was mid-pee when the one person I forgot to allow for ' The Boss' in his land rover, rolled up! He did have the grace to reverse and wait and then just gave me a wink every time he saw me all day.

A female friend of mine used to come beating and she was mortified when she had slipped behind a bush whilst waiting for a drive to start when her husband appeared on her vulnerable side, bringing the walking gun to show him where to start off!

On another shoot a friend confessed that she used to not drink at all when she got up if she was going beating as she didn't want to have to go off and hide for a pee - overhearing this, the farmer then informed here that there was a perfectly good outdoor loo at the farm but she had never asked!

A fellow student of mine was out for driving practice before getting her licence and needed a pee in the middle of nowhere on the Berks Downs - no hedges - and pulled off the road to hide behind the car. The " friend" who was supervising her then jumped into the drivers seat and drove forward, leaving her exposed for all to see!

Solus' horse riding experiences also very familiar to me!

As a farm adviser I am often driving long distances not knowing where there is a public loo and am pretty good at vaulting gates for some quick relief behind a hedge - I had a real crisis of conscience during 2001 foot and mouth, not wanting to go into a livestock field and searching for somehere else!

I've lost count of the number of times I've stung my bum on a nettle or pulled up my knickers to realise half an hour later (usually when talking to someone or in a public place) that I have dislodged something like a dead twig or some cocksfoot seed into them and it's scratching somewhere sensitive.

IBS I can appreciate has its particular problems but most people are very understanding. My own very minor problem is I suffer from acid reflux which also affects my swallowing. I am at the stage now that I can't risk eating anything without water to hand, as it often lodges half way down and I then regurgitate it (not being sick - it doesn't get that far!) which is a bit embarassing in a public situation. Obviously it is simple enough to deal with if I have water with me to slosh it down and I am now just up front about asking for water wherever I go.