"Get A Real Job!"

[APC]

Right, due to certain comments from members of the public along the lines of "You Never Do Anything" and "Get A Real Job" when we ask them to stop their beloved faultless hounds of death bounce happily and innocently into the marshes to unleash their teeth on the lapwing and little egrets, I have decided that I need a clever comeback. I know we are jack-of-all-trades and all that, but I can't be bothered to explain that digging drainage ditches in December in 2 foot deep mud while it tips down with rain sleet and bottles thrown by chavs, is actually work. I need something far wittier and cleverer to keep myself amused.


Help Me!


Thanks!

[Boddie]

You want a jacket with Belmarsh Prison Phychiatric Ward written on it.

[eeyore]

I have the perfect riposte to such intelligent statements - however i cant post it on a family forum such as this - suffice to say that there are two words, the first has four letters and the second is "off" , if you get my drift

another perfect response is "why" all innocent like , or "yep your right" that really confuses them

or my personal favorite "wibble" - best accompanied by rolling eyes , and an insane grin ala jack nicholson

[thunder]

Quote
or my personal favorite "wibble" - best accompanied by rolling eyes , and an insane grin ala jack nicholson
Endquote

A pair of underpants on your head might add to the effect

henrya

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by thunder

Quote
or my personal favorite "wibble" - best accompanied by rolling eyes , and an insane grin ala jack nicholson
Endquote

A pair of underpants on your head might add to the effect

henrya

and two pencils up the nose

[thunder]

Quote
and two pencils up the nose
Endquote

Not before youv'e done a Risk Assessment!

henrya

[eeyore]

nah - you got that wrong - thats not a line from blackadder

the next bit is about the triumph of muskets over sharpened fruit

[thunder]

Nice one eeyore

[Wild-Woman]

Originally Posted by thunder

Quote
or my personal favorite "wibble" - best accompanied by rolling eyes , and an insane grin ala jack nicholson
Endquote

A pair of underpants on your head might add to the effect

henrya

You've been watching too much Blackadder henrya!

Where's the pencils up the nose?

Doh! Typical me not reading the next posts!

Just tell them you're Mr Ploppy APC.

[APC]

I've decided to flash them instead. That way they bring more people for me to talk to and a nice room where I can rock.

[Meles meles]

Originally Posted by APC

I've decided to flash them instead. That way they bring more people for me to talk to and a nice room where I can rock.

Let us know when you intend to do this, The more that get involved, we could re inact a scene from braveheart (where they all stand in line before battle and flash themselves to intimidate the red coats)

[Ambriel]

Just take your Tazer out and zap the offending hound; Blow imaginary smoke from the end before holstering it and walk slowly away with a smug grin on your face...

[Kymba]

How about reinacting that Tv advert . Throw down your shovel lay on the ground screaming and kicking while yelling "THIS IS A REAL JOB"

[APC]

"how about I let you into a little secret............ I know a way you can get me out of this job: just stop letting your dog dump all over the reserve, keep it on a lead and make sure no-one drops litter then my post will be redundant, now there's a good boy/girl".

[almostnormal]

you'll have to excuse my late (and wordy) addition to this thread. but i recognise the feeling. you come across it in all walks of life.

when i was working in the pub people would say things like that when i was telling them they couldn't smoke at the bar. not the same but this method works in all situations. its an infallibale way of dealing with such plebeian individuals. it requires very little effort and no words. which is great because who wants to spare the energy?

its called 'the look' - it takes honing, but if you get it right it can cause widespread panic. you have to get the following feeling into it 'if-you-don't-go-away-right-now-i'm-going-to-put-this-shovel-in-an-anatomical-place-that-will-see-you-asleep-on-your-front-for-the-rest-of-your-natural-life' and combine it with a little bit of 'this-ditch-is-just-the-right-depth-for-you-to-become-a-future-archaeological-find-in'. works everytime, especially if you really imagine doing said things, because you get a vaguely crazy smile and a glazed look in your eyes as you picture it. its very worrying for the person, who if you got it right will back away slowly......

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by almostnormal

its called 'the look' - it takes honing, but if you get it right it can cause widespread panic. you have to get the following feeling into it 'if-you-don't-go-away-right-now-i'm-going-to-put-this-shovel-in-an-anatomical-place-that-will-see-you-asleep-on-your-front-for-the-rest-of-your-natural-life' and combine it with a little bit of 'this-ditch-is-just-the-right-depth-for-you-to-become-a-future-archaeological-find-in'. works everytime, especially if you really imagine doing said things, because you get a vaguely crazy smile and a glazed look in your eyes as you picture it. its very worrying for the person, who if you got it right will back away slowly......

this is especially effective if you've got purple (sorry cerise) hair

[nightshade]

Originally Posted by almostnormal

you'll have to excuse my late (and wordy) addition to this thread. but i recognise the feeling. you come across it in all walks of life.

when i was working in the pub people would say things like that when i was telling them they couldn't smoke at the bar. not the same but this method works in all situations. its an infallibale way of dealing with such plebeian individuals. it requires very little effort and no words. which is great because who wants to spare the energy?

its called 'the look' - it takes honing, but if you get it right it can cause widespread panic. you have to get the following feeling into it 'if-you-don't-go-away-right-now-i'm-going-to-put-this-shovel-in-an-anatomical-place-that-will-see-you-asleep-on-your-front-for-the-rest-of-your-natural-life' and combine it with a little bit of 'this-ditch-is-just-the-right-depth-for-you-to-become-a-future-archaeological-find-in'. works everytime, especially if you really imagine doing said things, because you get a vaguely crazy smile and a glazed look in your eyes as you picture it. its very worrying for the person, who if you got it right will back away slowly......

Is this like the one the Lioness uses,where her mouth smiles but her eyes say beware
the voice is always pitched low and polite..............shudder

[almostnormal]

Originally Posted by eeyore

this is especially effective if you've got purple (sorry cerise) hair

actually its back to boring old brunette now....sigh. i got bored of pink very quickly

Originally Posted by nightshade

Is this like the one the Lioness uses,where her mouth smiles but her eyes say beware
the voice is always pitched low and polite..............shudder

nooo...possibly....i generally don't need to use words. although if you add a low pitched but calm go away it usually sends em running faster than speedy gonzales!

[RogerTheCat]

I know of someone who works for the local council and was told by an irate customer "I pay your wages". In response he put his hand in his pocket, pulled out a pound coin and tossed it to the customer with the words "Here, have you money back".

If some one was to say to me "Get a real job" and over the years I have had various similar comments I would respond with one of the following:

The look, as mentioned above works a treat especially as I am 6 foot 5 inches tall

An expletive sometimes followed by the look

"At least I have a job"

More expletives

"Protecting wildlife is a REAL job"

"If it wasn't for people like you they wouldn't need people like me"

"The local village just phoned as they have lost thier idiot, want a lift back"

Even more expletives

[APC]

"If it wasn't for people like you they wouldn't need people like me"

Winner! That one is the concise version of what I tried to get at! I'll remember that!!


RE: "I pay your wages"..... reply with "Maybe, but I pay my wages plus I pay your state pension, so who is indebted to who?".....possibly follow up with "Would sir like to make it to old enough to draw their pension or is sir going to continue to be an <insert expletive here>?", while revving a pole-saw millimetres from their face.

[boroughboy]

my response is usually one worded and sounds very similar to bullocks (and cant sensor that cos they cows) LOL failin that just lob ya shovel at em regards the chavs threaten to ring their mummys and they leg it either way good luck hahaha

boroughboy