Unbelievable

John · #1 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 05:42 AM

I don't know if this thread will be acceptable in WAB, and I wasn't sure whether to air my dirty linen in the forum, but I may go quite quiet for a while for the following reason.

After the most stunning birding holiday with my mate in Turkey, upon my arrival home I found the house half stripped, my Mrs gone, she has taken the dogs, left me with a massive debt and I didn't see it coming. She also left the house in a total mess (which took me all day Saturday and most of Sunday to clean up) and she also took all the food and quite a few other implements. She even got me to get everything down from the loft on the pretence that she was doing a car boot whilst I was away and apparently even put her notice in at Asda a month ago.

How can anyone do that to another person. I couldn't even consider leaving anyone without talking to them first but to do it whilst I am on holiday is very cowardly. We were even talking by phone whilst I was in Turkey and she was cheerful and never hinted at any problems.

I certainly won't be able to go birding anymore for quite some time and my head certainly isn't into gear.

I am now concentrating on my photos from Turkey and will place those that are on the British list in the gallery. I will also probably start a Turkey thread, which will give me something to keep my mind on.

Has anyone else gone through a similar thing where their partner has just disappeared without any hints prior to it. If so how did you handle it. I am so confused because I thought everything was ok.

John

mrs fish · #2 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 06:08 AM

What a cowardly thing to do, did you not have any idea that your wife was not happy?
Was it that you went to Turkey without her?
Be strong, each day will get easier, don't give up your birding.

John · #3 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrs fish

What a cowardly thing to do, did you not have any idea that your wife was not happy?
Was it that you went to Turkey without her?
Be strong, each day will get easier, don't give up your birding.

I didn't have a clue. We were very happy and I even had two holidays booked for the next month. We were going to Cornwall for a week on October 7th and norfolk for a week in November.

The only reason that Ros didn't come with me is that I have two weeks holiday more than her. She worked nights so needed the car so I wouldn't have been able to go anywhere in Britain without hiring a car (which would have been expensive). My mate wanted to go to Turkey and the fact that he would be sharing the costs meant that it would have been cheaper to go to Turkey for a fortnight than do Britain for the same period.

Ros was totaly happy with this as she fully understood that there was always going to be a fortnight where we couldn't go on holiday together.

Birding in my garden will be the only thing I can afford now. Ros has left me with such a massive debt that it will take years to pay off and I can't justify spending any money whilst I have that debt on anything other than essentials such as my monthly bills, food and fuel.

John

Susie · #4 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 06:35 AM

What a terrible shock it must have been for you. It really was a cruel thing for her to have done, but she must have been incredible unhappy to have done it.

Don't give up your hobby, it is very important that you have something constructive to occupy your mind at the moment.

Perhaps you two could sit down together and discuss this. Something may yet be salvaged.

I wish you health, happiness and a positive future.

Take care,

Susie

John · #5 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susie

What a terrible shock it must have been for you. It really was a cruel thing for her to have done, but she must have been incredible unhappy to have done it.

Don't give up your hobby, it is very important that you have something constructive to occupy your mind at the moment.

Perhaps you two could sit down together and discuss this. Something may yet be salvaged.

I wish you health, happiness and a positive future.

Take care,

Susie

Hi Susie

Thanks for your well wishes and comments.

I wish I could discuss it with her but I haven't a clue where she is and the only people that might know are her sisters and they won't even talk to me.

If she was incredibly unhappy she didn't show it. In fact quite the opposite. She was looking forward to our forthcoming holidays (well that is what she told me) and had bought quite a few things for the garden so I had no clue whatsoever that this was likely to happen.

Regarding my birdwatching. Until I get my head around the debts she has left me I won't have the funds to use to go anywhere. I have to prioritise what money I have on the essentials. The none essentials will have to take a back seat until I am sorted out.

I'll get over it, it's the initial shock that's hard to bear. Still I have enough photos from Turkey to edit that will keep me occupied for some time to come so that will help.

John

Lincs Yellowbelly · #6 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 12:07 PM

I'm really sorry to hear this John, it must be a very hard thing to cope with, especially as you had no prior warning.

Hope you are feeling better soon, and ready to get back into Birding again

Susie · #7 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 12:12 PM

John, I know this is none of my business, but perhaps you could write your thoughts in a letter? Don't post it straight away, give it a few days and re-read it, then if you still think it is okay post it care of one of her sisters.

You two have a lot of sorting out to do, at least if you ask her to contact you then you will have taken a first step.

You may not have the funds to do the sort of birdwatching you are used to, but there is always your garden and local parks.

Take care,

Susie

Jonny · #8 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 12:55 PM

John............Really sorry to hear this. Good luck to you mate................

Garden Carpet · #9 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 01:02 PM

John, I am truly sorry to hear this. It must have left you reeling. I do hope you find out why this happened and that somehow you find a way back to each other.

Take care and enjoy your garden birds. If they are anything like mine you will find your time taken up.

Jaki

rlchew · #10 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 04:20 PM

Hello John

I am so sorry to hear this. I can not begin to understand how much of a shock this must have been to you when you returned home.

Over the weekend, I was wondering where you were and then remembered you were going away to Turkey. I expected one of your hugely interesting narratives on your holiday when I saw a post from you in the forum today but that is probably far from your mind at present. When you feel like it, please do share your trip experiences with us.

Whilst money may be tight, do try at least to get out and about birding locally and continue with your mothing. Hopefully, that will help a little in taking your mind off everything else that is going on. And then there is always WAB which as you know is a very friendly and supportive community.

Best of luck and take care mate. You will come through this one way or another.

Richard

Wild-Woman · #11 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 04:39 PM

Hi John. I'm shocked and very sorry to hear about this. The very same thing happened to my friend Sharon years ago. They both left for work in the morning but during the day he came back and stripped the house, his wardrobes and the electrical appliances.
She said that there was no indication that something was up.

She is fine now and with a lovely chap but never did get to the bottom of it all.
Humans are odd beings. Some people have hammer and tongs arguments, never seem to be happy but often survive the odds.

I wish you all the best John. Never foget you've got lots of friends on here that care.

Julie

MalcolmX · #12 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 05:20 PM

sorry to hear your tragedy ,if i may interject on the debt front do not pay any money on these debis untill you have established that you are truely liable .
please email me if can help with any thing as i used to be an accountant (before i got bored)

littleT · #13 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 06:11 PM

Truly sorry. 2nd the views already stated.

WAB has turned my mood around in the few days I've been visiting.

Cheers go to a wonderful group of people.
Wish you the best of luck.

Your own advise is usually the best.

cherrybee · #14 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 06:12 PM

So sorry to hear of your troubles John.I hope everything can be resolved for you one day.I agree with everyone else keep up what you enjoy in parks gardens etc and when you are feeling up to it I look forward to hearing about your trips and seeing your photos.Keep your chin up we are all here for you:0

aeshna5 · #15 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 06:20 PM

Sorry to hear your bad news John- I can't think of anything more gut wrenching than for your partner to do such a cowardly thing. Nothing we can say will take away your pain at the moment- but hope you stay strong.

John · #16 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susie

John, I know this is none of my business, but perhaps you could write your thoughts in a letter? Don't post it straight away, give it a few days and re-read it, then if you still think it is okay post it care of one of her sisters.

You two have a lot of sorting out to do, at least if you ask her to contact you then you will have taken a first step.

You may not have the funds to do the sort of birdwatching you are used to, but there is always your garden and local parks.

Take care,

Susie

Hi susie

I wish I could do that but I have no idea of her sisters addresses. Ros had the book of telephone numbers and addresses and she has taken it. To top it all my mobile was knackered over the weekend losing me all the contact numbers I could have used. I have no way of finding out anything now as I have no means of getting in touch other than driving down to them - and in the current financial crisis that is out of the question. I would have to drive to South Essex or to Newton Abbot to get in touch with the people that might know.

John

John · #17 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 06:58 PM

Thanks to all the encouraging replies from you folks. It is great to see people pull together like this.

I had the same sort of experience at work today. I am the only male in an office full of women and the news had gotten around regarding what had happened even before I got to work. I had rung one of my work colleagues on saturday to try and find out my Line managers phone number so I could warn of what had happened and the fact that I might not have been up to it for Monday. My work colleague rang everyone and today when I got to work the experience of all those women wishing me well, and talking me through it, was just what I wanted.

I'll get over what she has done but losing my dog, and the financial set back she has given me is a bit harder to swallow.

Still worse things have happened to other people so I have to take it on the chin and get on with my life.

One thing on the horizon that first I refused to do was a Wedding reception for one of my work colleagues on Saturday. I have decided to go to it after all and I think it will do me good to do it.

I have started a Turkey thread in the bird forum and I will add some photos as I go along.

John

gez · #18 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 07:07 PM

look forward to the pics..gez

Mr Mag00 · #19 (**permalink**) 25-09-2006, 07:25 PM

Hey John, sorry to hear of your surprise

Zippy · #20 (**permalink**) 26-09-2006, 12:21 PM

Hi John.

Would you belive it, this is my first post on WAB. I came across your tragic story, and was truly moved.

I had a mate a long while back who was ina situation similar to yours. He too went on an extened holiday abroad - "to follow a dream" as he put it. He came back to find his wife had legged it with the cat in tow!!!

He seemed to pull through ok - he's now remarried with someone who appreciates him - and he got the cat back too!

My advice to you would be to give yourself into your passion and carry on taking great pictures!

Gill Catton · #21 (**permalink**) 26-09-2006, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John

One thing on the horizon that first I refused to do was a Wedding reception for one of my work colleagues on Saturday. I have decided to go to it after all and I think it will do me good to do it.

John

Go it will definately do you good. My marriage went pear shaped too though not much like your situation as I knew exactly what was going on and that's why I threw him out, anyway almost exactly a year after our wedding day a friend was getting married in the same church. To go into that church and face the lovely village vicar and friends who all knew what had happened was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but it was worth it and pushed me further on the road to recover - if things start to get a bit painful just start imagining everyone is naked - it worked for me!!! Oh and I agree with the keep birding, Nature is a fantastic healer and you need to get out to not get bitter, you may be in debt but good mental health is priceless x oh and go rescue a dog if you can fit one in around work, or voluteer to walk ones at the rescue centre perhaps?

John · #22 (**permalink**) 26-09-2006, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zippy

Hi John.

Would you belive it, this is my first post on WAB. I came across your tragic story, and was truly moved.

I had a mate a long while back who was ina situation similar to yours. He too went on an extened holiday abroad - "to follow a dream" as he put it. He came back to find his wife had legged it with the cat in tow!!!

He seemed to pull through ok - he's now remarried with someone who appreciates him - and he got the cat back too!

My advice to you would be to give yourself into your passion and carry on taking great pictures!

First of all may I wish you a warm welcome to WAB from me.

I won't give up my birding and photography but will put it on hold for a while whilst I sort out my finances. It is a critical time just now and I have to work my commitments out before I start going out anywhere.

I hope it's not too long before I get back out into the field again but I have other priorities just now that if I get right will buy me that time out in the field that I need.

John

PMG · #23 (**permalink**) 26-09-2006, 09:19 PM

Well that's a shocker and no mistake and your mind will reel round and around for quite a while but it will pass and dim tho you probably will never reconcile yourself to it, no more than I can that my dad died last year. . . but you will live and you will recover your life and you will and should go thro all the phases beforehand; disbelief; shock; anger; hurt; anger; hurt - more anger - cos that's what us humans do! Eventually you might find out there was a reason that might make it easier to accept and then again maybe not. Your wife might be ill or finally reacting to something done to her in her past - that has nothing to do with you - other than you are going to suffer at the moment. Keep on keeping on - your balence will eventually return as will an ordered and settled life but try as best you can not to let this sour you or spoil your future dealings with other people - not everyone is tarred with the same brush thankfully. Good luck and as has already been said - folks here are supportive and friendly - a good bunch.

Pauline

John · #24 (**permalink**) 26-09-2006, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PMG

Well that's a shocker and no mistake and your mind will reel round and around for quite a while but it will pass and dim tho you probably will never reconcile yourself to it, no more than I can that my dad died last year. . . but you will live and you will recover your life and you will and should go thro all the phases beforehand; disbelief; shock; anger; hurt; anger; hurt - more anger - cos that's what us humans do! Eventually you might find out there was a reason that might make it easier to accept and then again maybe not. Your wife might be ill or finally reacting to something done to her in her past - that has nothing to do with you - other than you are going to suffer at the moment. Keep on keeping on - your balence will eventually return as will an ordered and settled life but try as best you can not to let this sour you or spoil your future dealings with other people - not everyone is tarred with the same brush thankfully. Good luck and as has already been said - folks here are supportive and friendly - a good bunch.

Pauline

Hi Pauline

First of all we were never married but even so some wise words there but how's this for a shocker. A couple of hours ago a friend of Ros' rang me to tell me something that shocked me to the core. She said that now this has happened she felt that she could tell me something that I should have known when I first met her. She has done the very same thing to the last few men she has been with and now her friend has had enough of men ringing her up asking what has happened to her and the fact that she has left them all in debt. She wants nothing more to do with her and is awaiting the phone call so she can tell her that very thing.

One things for sure, that has sure hardened me up to what has happened. I can't believe I was suckered into this situation without seeing it coming.

How's this for another shocker. I was flying to Turkey on the Sunday night. Ros asked me to take her to one of her work colleagues leaving do on the Saturday night. I wanted to go to bed early but agreed to take her and pick her up at 1am Sunday morning. I have now found out that I was taking her to her own leaving do. How's that for rubbing it in.

John

Mr Mag00 · #25 (**permalink**) 26-09-2006, 09:36 PM

the thread title says it all really?!