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25-12-2007, 12:01 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Hertfordshire..
Posts: 1,517
| | | Christmas Cracker Jokes..
A time for everyone to be pulling crackers..and putting on the party hats....lets hope the jokes have improved since last year...
Here's one of mine..
Q. What does the word minimum mean ?
A. A very small mum....Dont they just crack you up... 
Cheers everyone...
Julie
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25-12-2007, 12:13 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In a tranquil valley with a stream in garden
Posts: 1,769
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
What type of dance do you do in a bathroom?
A tap dance.
What has a bed but dosn't sleep and a mouth but dosn't speak?
a river.
No they don't get any better
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Longing for warm, starry, moonlit nights:) |
25-12-2007, 01:31 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Hertfordshire..
Posts: 1,517
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Q. How do snails keep their shells shiny?
A.They use snail varnish....
**************************
Q. what do you get if you cross a refridgerator and a stereo.?.
A. Coolmusic..
Julie
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Look after your knees , your miss them when there gone.. |
25-12-2007, 01:34 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In a tranquil valley with a stream in garden
Posts: 1,769
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
are we the only two that read the jokes then julie!!!?
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Longing for warm, starry, moonlit nights:) |
25-12-2007, 01:54 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Hertfordshire..
Posts: 1,517
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Quote:
Originally Posted by tufftie  are we the only two that read the jokes then julie!!!? | It looking that way...
Q.What do you call a man who wears brown paper trousers..
A. Russell...
Julie
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Look after your knees , your miss them when there gone.. |
25-12-2007, 02:42 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Somerset, UK
Posts: 1,064
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Quote:
Originally Posted by juliejam It looking that way...
Q.What do you call a man who wears brown paper trousers..
A. Russell...
Julie | Hahaha, that's a good one.
Q. How do you catch a unique Rabbit?
A. You 'neek up on him.
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25-12-2007, 02:46 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: Hidden in the clover
Posts: 1,454
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Why did the wolf go for a walk on the beach on christmas eve?
He wanted to see SANDY CLAWS.... 
Doug |
25-12-2007, 03:00 PM
|  | Active Member | | Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Oundle, Northants
Posts: 56
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Q. What do you serve but don't eat ???
A. Tennis balls |
25-12-2007, 03:27 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Somerset, UK
Posts: 1,064
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Black Rabbit Why did the wolf go for a walk on the beach on christmas eve?
He wanted to see SANDY CLAWS....
Doug | **GROAN**
Doug, if it wasn't christmas I'd slap you with a frozen trout for that one. 
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I ♥ Bill Oddie. So there. |
25-12-2007, 03:30 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: Hidden in the clover
Posts: 1,454
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaina **GROAN**
Doug, if it wasn't christmas I'd slap you with a frozen trout for that one. | I know...
Its AWFUL eh?
So bad.... its almost good... |
25-12-2007, 03:47 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Hertfordshire..
Posts: 1,517
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Q. What do lions sing at christmas time..
A. Jungle Bells..Jungle Bells.....there getting worst..
Julie
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Look after your knees , your miss them when there gone.. |
25-12-2007, 03:50 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: Hidden in the clover
Posts: 1,454
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Quote:
Originally Posted by juliejam Q. What do lions sing at christmas time..
A. Jungle Bells..Jungle Bells.....there getting worst..
Julie | Talking of Jungles,
that reminds me of one of my favourite jclean jokes....
Why did the tapir get lost?
Because Jungle is massive 
(you'll either get it or you won't -no point explaining it!) |
25-12-2007, 04:36 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In a tranquil valley with a stream in garden
Posts: 1,769
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Black Rabbit Talking of Jungles,
that reminds me of one of my favourite jclean jokes....
Why did the tapir get lost?
Because Jungle is massive
(you'll either get it or you won't -no point explaining it!) | oh dear!!! it's a good one though!
a couple more bad cracker ones:
Which are the cleverest sweets?
Smarties
How did the dinosaur know we were coming?
because the brontosaw-us.
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Longing for warm, starry, moonlit nights:) |
25-12-2007, 04:41 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Bewdley
Posts: 2,969
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Q. Who's the Coolest guy in a Hospital?
A. The Ultrasound man!
************************************************** ********
Q. What's yellow and still hot when you take it out of the fridge?
A. Mustard!
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Dig your hands in the dirt, children play with earth- Arrested Developement |
25-12-2007, 08:09 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Ijmuiden, Holland
Posts: 1,932
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Not a cracker joke, but a Christmas joke all the same  .
Father Christmas's sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve and flagged down a passing motorist and asked for help.
The driver said "sorry I can't help I'm not a mechanic I am a Chiropodist"
Father Christmas said "That's Ok - you can give me a tow! " |
27-12-2007, 10:46 AM
|  | Wild Member | | Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Sussex/Kent borders
Posts: 182
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
I always liked this one: "Why don't elephants like penguins?"
"cos they can't undo the wrappers!" |
27-12-2007, 10:55 AM
| | Active Member | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derby
Posts: 26
| |  Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
oh these cracker jokes, not sure whether to laugh or cry, How do you treat a sunburnt pig, Why with oinkment of course. |
27-12-2007, 11:19 AM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Lincolnshire/Cambs/Norfolk border right on The Wash
Posts: 2,170
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
What did the egg say when he fell off the camel?
Humpty dumped me!!!!
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27-12-2007, 12:19 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Kenninghall, Norfolk
Posts: 3,132
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
LOL Jaki or Henry , never heard that one before...I did giggle |
27-12-2007, 12:20 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In a tranquil valley with a stream in garden
Posts: 1,769
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
What do you get if you lay under a cow?
A pat on the back.
Why did the boy take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains.
What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
An egg.
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Longing for warm, starry, moonlit nights:) |
27-12-2007, 12:41 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Lincolnshire/Cambs/Norfolk border right on The Wash
Posts: 2,170
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Quote:
Originally Posted by NickCantle LOL Jaki or Henry , never heard that one before...I did giggle |
Thank you Nick... we do need a bowing icon. I wrote that one for my mother who was making crackers. You can say you knew me before I was famous if you like!!!
jaki
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28-12-2007, 10:10 AM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 569
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Why didn"t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn"t have the guts!
Best from mike. |
28-12-2007, 11:07 AM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Lancashire
Posts: 2,509
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
Don't have any christmas jokes to hand but borrowed my daughters joke book and pinched a few.
Q, Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again ?
A, Because he was a dirty double crosser.
Someone stole all the toilet seats from the police station. The officers had nothing to go on.
Q, Doctor doctor, what is the best way to avoid biting insects ?
A, Don't bite any.
A ghost walks into a bar. The bartender says "sorry we don't serve spirits here".
Q, What's the difference between a bird and a fly ?
A, A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.
Q, What looks like half a cat ?
A, The other half.
Q, What do you call a fish with no eyes ?
A, Fsh.
Q, Why can't a leopard hide ?
A, Because he's always spotted.
Q, What do you call fourteen Rabbits hopping backwards ?
A, A receding hareline.
And there's more where they came from .
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29-12-2007, 10:07 PM
|  | Wild Member | | Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 161
| | | Re: Christmas Cracker Jokes..
What has 4 legs and a trunk???
A mouse going on holiday. | |
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