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13-09-2007, 08:32 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Whats the fastest fish in the sea?
Go~carp!! Oh my ribs!!! 
jen xxx |
13-09-2007, 08:39 PM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
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Life tells you nothing, It shows you everything!!!
-Bach |
13-09-2007, 10:28 PM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: North Anston, South Yorkshire
Posts: 579
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
I've dipped into my version of Bob Monkhouse's joke book and found a couple more 
What do you call a man with a Rabbit on his head?
Warren 
What do you call a nervous cow?
A milk shake |
15-09-2007, 12:16 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Time for another silly one!
Whats a dogs favourite city?
New Yorkie!
Oh dear they get worse(i will get me coat!!!)
jen xxx |
15-09-2007, 12:17 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdurbo  Time for another silly one!
Whats a dogs favourite city?
New Yorkie!
Oh dear they get worse(i will get me coat!!!)
jen xxx | How many coats do you have?????
__________________
Life tells you nothing, It shows you everything!!!
-Bach |
15-09-2007, 12:20 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Lots (but then i am a girl and you know what girls are like for shoes and things  )
jen xxx |
15-09-2007, 12:29 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdurbo Lots (but then i am a girl and you know what girls are like for shoes and things )
jen xxx | yes I know your a girl, And yes i know off their habits. But who is going to look at you walking down the street. You must be wearing eleven coats.
I can hear them now "thats a big woman" he he
try this
THE MAGIC FROG
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a Rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes...
Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female." For his wish, the Rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.
The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the Rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a wish.? "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well." Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine.
The bear was shocked that the Rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female." The Rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish the bear was gay."
__________________
Life tells you nothing, It shows you everything!!!
-Bach |
15-09-2007, 12:33 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Excellent!!
I have taken all the coats off now
jen xxx |
15-09-2007, 12:36 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdurbo Excellent!!
I have taken all the coats off now
jen xxx |
can i borrow some, its a bit difficult trying to put the same two on again and again.
Im a man, yes only two
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Life tells you nothing, It shows you everything!!!
-Bach |
15-09-2007, 12:38 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Yes i have a nice one one that would just suit you 
What do insects learn at school?
Mothmatics......
jen xxx |
15-09-2007, 12:42 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
pink and fluffly????
A cat was running wildly down alleys, up fire escapes, down cellars and what-not. A neighbor knew whose cat it was and reported it. "Your cat is running around like mad."
"I know," answered the owner. "He's just been sterilized and he is canceling engagements."
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Life tells you nothing, It shows you everything!!!
-Bach |
15-09-2007, 12:46 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
No your ok its not pink or fluffy!! but you could borrow that one if you want?
Whats the first thing that bats learn at school?
The alphabat.
jen xxx |
15-09-2007, 12:54 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
No can i borrow a "fluffly one" not fluffy, Could get one of those made for men in Brighton
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
__________________
Life tells you nothing, It shows you everything!!!
-Bach |
16-09-2007, 11:26 PM
|  | Wild Member | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Burnley, Lancashire
Posts: 141
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Two Parrots are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says:
"Can you smell fish????" |
17-09-2007, 12:06 PM
|  | Member of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: South Gloucestershire
Posts: 332
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Oh well, here goes nothing...
What do you call a poorly Pachyderm?
A sycophant!
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig!
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Growing older is compulsory.
But growing up is optional! |
18-09-2007, 07:44 AM
|  | Knight Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Chilterns
Posts: 7,894
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
what do you call an overgrown moose ?
an enourmoose
sorry i'll get all 16 of my coats
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"new improved eeyore , now with added tact..... for that whiter brighter finish" |
19-09-2007, 11:02 AM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: N.Yorkshire.... The Dales... can't beat it tbh
Posts: 1,915
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satchmo Two Parrots are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says:
"Can you smell fish????" |
ROFL!
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Please feed your hedgehogs!!! ;) |
28-09-2007, 01:54 PM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Andover
Posts: 868
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other "how do you start this thing"
Boom Boom!!!!!
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Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.
Churchill 1940. |
28-09-2007, 03:38 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: N.Yorkshire.... The Dales... can't beat it tbh
Posts: 1,915
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Wobble Dagger Two fish in a tank, one says to the other "how do you start this thing"
Boom Boom!!!!! | Nice one Bazil!
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Please feed your hedgehogs!!! ;) |
28-09-2007, 08:26 PM
| | Active Member | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bournemouth,Dorset
Posts: 55
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Why does the mushroom always get invited to party's?
....Because he's a funghi. |
01-10-2007, 12:32 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Andover
Posts: 868
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cazzie Nice one Bazil! | Thank-you Sybil.
Could this be a new word association thread?
Bazil WD
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Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.
Churchill 1940. |
01-10-2007, 10:46 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: N.Yorkshire.... The Dales... can't beat it tbh
Posts: 1,915
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Wobble Dagger Thank-you Sybil.
Could this be a new word association thread?
Bazil WD | Could be, but I spelt his name wrong... should be Basil as I saw keyring toys being flogged in Barclays today and realised I'd spelt it wrong doh! 
Anyways, if I'm now Sybil, then you must now be 'Bruce Willis' from moonlighting!.... Cooooooor!
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Please feed your hedgehogs!!! ;) |
02-10-2007, 02:02 AM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Shepshed, Leicestershire
Posts: 729
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
A young lad ,down on his luck, walked into a village in Africa hoping to find work, on the door of the trading station was a notice saying 'goriller hunters assistant required, must have own gun'. As the lad had an old double barrel he thought this might be a good oportunity and duly applied for the job. He met the gorillor hunter and asked what the job entailed. Right said the hunter, this is how it works. I go into the jungle with my jack russel and when we find a goriller, we chase it up a tree, I climb the tree after it and start shaking the branches, the goriller gets anoyed and he starts shaking branches, I shake the branches more so he shakes his branches more, eventually the gorillers branches break and he falls to the ground, the jack russel grabs him by the gooleys, I jump down from the tree and throw a net over the goriller and its job done. All this seemed to make sence to the young lad so he asked the question, If its as simple as that why do you need me?. Well says the goriller hunter, sometimes I fall out of the tree before the goriller, if that happens, you shoot the jack russel. Sorry
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Even a bird with no beak can succeed |
02-10-2007, 02:41 AM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Shepshed, Leicestershire
Posts: 729
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
A chap walked into a pub put his rucksack on the floor and ordered a pint from the landlord, as the pub was a bit quiet the two of them got into a conversation which, through the landlords curiosity, came round to the contents of the customers rucksack. When asked what was in it the customer said its the only dancing duck in the world, and with that he took from the rucksack a buiscuit tin and a duck, hge placed the duck on the buiscuit tin and it duly started to dance. The landlord, always on the lookout for a business opportunity, realised that this could be a profitable attraction for his pub, offered to buy the duck from the customer, and eventually a deal was done. By this time the pub had filled up a bit so the landlord decided to give a show for the customers and placed the buiscuit tin in the middle of the room and started the duck dancing on it. The customers were amazed by this performance and before long where phoning friends to come an see the spectacle, so before long the pub was full and the landlord was really chuffed. However as the night wore on the noise of the duck dancing on the tin was starting to annoy people. At this stage the hapless landlord realised that he did not know how to stop the duck dancing. The chap he had bought it off demanded a tenner to to end the performance and being in a helpless situation. the landlord paid the man, on recieving his extra tenner the man took the lid off the biscuit tin and blew out the candle. Even sorrier about this one
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Even a bird with no beak can succeed |
02-10-2007, 06:05 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely???
With a sparrowchute!!!
jen xxx | | | |
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