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09-09-2007, 11:30 AM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke of York  If you like Beckham jokes here's another one with a vague nature theme. 
One night long ago, when he was playing for Man Utd, Beckham phones up Alex Ferguson.
"Alex, I've been left on my own for the evening and I'm trying to do this jigsaw of a cockerel and I just cannot get any of the pieces to fit together. You couldn't come round and give me a hand could you?"
Being the friendly Scot we all know he is and being at a loose end, Alex goes round to see Beckham to see if he can give him a hand.
David is glad to to see him manager and invites Alex in and shows him the problems he is having with his jigsaw.
Alex takes one look and spots the problem straight away.
"If I was you David, I would put the Cornflakes back in the box"  |
Help ME im in stitches,
Sos about the hog joke, did scan the others, must have missed it. Probably cos i was laughing too much.
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09-09-2007, 11:32 AM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meles meles Unsuitable for WAB | OHHHHH BUT MUUUUMMMMM
No im kidding, Was not sure. Had to try it any way
Apologies
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10-09-2007, 09:13 AM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What do you get if you cross a sheep dog with a rose?
A collie~flower!!
Oh my sides are spilting!!
jen xxx |
10-09-2007, 11:34 AM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Bewdley
Posts: 3,682
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Q.Why did the beach blush? A.Because the seeweed  |
12-09-2007, 07:01 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
How does a dog stop a VCR?
It presses the PAWS button. 
jen xxx |
12-09-2007, 10:17 AM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdurbo How does a dog stop a VCR?
It presses the PAWS button.
jen xxx | Oh dear Jen 
Not as bad as this one
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A walkie talkie!
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12-09-2007, 10:21 AM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
And more;
What animal has more lives than the cat?
A frog, he croaks every night.
What is the strongest animal?
A snail. He carries his house on his back!
Ok i promise not to write any more 
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12-09-2007, 11:08 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Here you are then Meles meles...
What kind of dog can use the phone?
A DAIL~matian.
What do you get if you cross a dog with a phone?
A gold receiver!
jen xxx |
12-09-2007, 11:16 AM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What does a kitten become after it's three days old?
Four days old!
oops thats a bad one;
What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
He gets toad away.
How do you find where a flea has bitten you?
Start from scratch!
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12-09-2007, 11:19 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Your right the kitten one is bad 
What's a mouses favourite game?
Hide and squeek!!
jen xxx |
12-09-2007, 11:24 AM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
struggling now to think off more 
How does a Hedgehog play leap-frog?
Very carefully!
oey: I lost my dog.
Lauren:Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper?
Joey: Don't be silly! He can't read
NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ok im off
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12-09-2007, 07:00 PM
| | Member of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 314
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Q. What has one wheel and flies?
A. A barrowful of manure. |
12-09-2007, 08:35 PM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: North Anston, South Yorkshire
Posts: 701
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Wow after reading all these jokes I think I've found out what happened to Bob Monkhouse's jokebook
Anyway here's a couple of equally bad ones.
Have you heard that Scientists have solved the problem of who gets a leg for a family of 4 by breeding a chicken with 4 legs.
Unfortunately nobody know what these legs taste like as they have not been able to catch one yet
And what do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangeroo??
A Woolly Jumper |
12-09-2007, 09:08 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke of York Wow after reading all these jokes I think I've found out what happened to Bob Monkhouse's jokebook
Anyway here's a couple of equally bad ones.
Have you heard that Scientists have solved the problem of who gets a leg for a family of 4 by breeding a chicken with 4 legs.
Unfortunately nobody know what these legs taste like as they have not been able to catch one yet
And what do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangeroo??
A Woolly Jumper | Having a bad day
Was all that I could think at the time, Thats my excuse dont know about Jen though he he
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13-09-2007, 08:05 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
My excuse is i'm just crazy
jen xxx |
13-09-2007, 08:09 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: N.Yorkshire.... The Dales... can't beat it tbh
Posts: 1,915
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdurbo My excuse is i'm just crazy
jen xxx |
Are ya?!?
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Please feed your hedgehogs!!! ;) |
13-09-2007, 08:13 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Oh yes i sure am its the only thing thats keeps me sane
jen xxx |
13-09-2007, 08:24 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Bewdley
Posts: 3,682
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Sorry Jen i couldn't let it ly!
Jen saw a Mole the other day leaning up a hedge, she asked are you a peein? No said the Mole i'm from Moscow. You can tell me off now |
13-09-2007, 08:27 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Here you are Jezabel this ones for you!
What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper??
Rough rough
jen xxx |
13-09-2007, 08:44 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Bewdley
Posts: 3,682
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
I come up with the poorest i'm sorry
did you hear about the shell fish that couldn't attach itself to rocks? It was too Clammy. |
13-09-2007, 08:52 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSH
Oh dear thats bad
jen xxx |
13-09-2007, 08:54 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Jens back, great my joke wont look so bad
sorry couldn't resist
Two owls are sat having a beer in a pub. One turns to the other and says, "By the way, I got married last week". The second one says, "You twit, to who?"
When do squirrels chase people?
When they think they're nuts!
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Last edited by Meles meles; 13-09-2007 at 08:56 PM.
Reason: addition
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13-09-2007, 09:16 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Three men went out hunting, after the first day one of the men comes back with a grey squirrel.
The other 2 ask "How did ya do it?" "Well i saw the tracks, Followed the tracks and shot the squirrel".
The next day another man comes back with a deer, the last man asks "How did ya do it?"
"saw the tracks, followed the tracks and shot the deer".
Next day the 3rd man comes back with a broken leg and 2 broken arms. "What happened?"
"saw the tracks, followed the tracks, got hit by a train" !!!!
jen xxx |
13-09-2007, 09:18 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdurbo Three men went out hunting, after the first day one of the men comes back with a grey squirrel.
The other 2 ask "How did ya do it?" "Well i saw the tracks, Followed the tracks and shot the squirrel".
The next day another man comes back with a deer, the last man asks "How did ya do it?"
"saw the tracks, followed the tracks and shot the deer".
Next day the 3rd man comes back with a broken leg and 2 broken arms. "What happened?"
"saw the tracks, followed the tracks, got hit by a train" !!!!
jen xxx | ooohh thats good
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13-09-2007, 09:28 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates.
The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell.
The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell.
The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been thru Hell, Welcome to Heaven."
If you want me, ill be down my hole
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