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07-09-2007, 09:16 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
what do you call an unemployed goat?
Billy idol!
I'll get me coat!!!
jen xxx |
07-09-2007, 09:33 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Bewdley
Posts: 3,402
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Two Camels where having a good old rattle when one pipes up with " You know, why have i this hump sticking up out of my back"? His Mate Replies " Thats to store water out in the dessert you feather brain"! "oh right" says the camel " so whats with my long neck then"? " It's so you don't have to sit down to drink"  ! "Okay smartie pants so why i have i got long legs for then"? " Because" replies his infuriated friend " The desserts are vast plains & you have got to have your long legs to get about in the intense heat in search of water to fill you hump up with in the first place" . " Aaarh now i get it "so what are we doing here in Dudley Zoo then????
Jen wait up! |
07-09-2007, 09:37 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What do you call a goat at sea?
Billy ocean
jen xxx |
07-09-2007, 10:00 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Bewdley
Posts: 3,402
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Did you here about the cow with two sets of teets?
Pull The udder one! |
07-09-2007, 10:15 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
A lonely man decided that life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So,he went to the pet shop and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
He decided on a centipede, which came with a little white box to use for a house.
He took the centipede home,found a good place for the box, then decided he would start off by taking his new pet for a walk. He went over to the box and asked "would you like to go for a short walk with me?" But there was no answer.He waited a few minutes and asked again "how about going for an evening walk?" But again no answer.
He waited a few minutes more and decided to ask one more time, this time putting his face up to the centipedes house shouting "HEY! in there would you like to go for a walk"
An agitated little voice came shrieking from the box.."I heard you the first time...I'm putting on my shoes !!! 
jen xxx |
08-09-2007, 01:40 AM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: North Anston, South Yorkshire
Posts: 579
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdurbo  A lonely man decided that life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So,he went to the pet shop and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
He decided on a centipede, which came with a little white box to use for a house.
He took the centipede home,found a good place for the box, then decided he would start off by taking his new pet for a walk. He went over to the box and asked "would you like to go for a short walk with me?" But there was no answer.He waited a few minutes and asked again "how about going for an evening walk?" But again no answer.
He waited a few minutes more and decided to ask one more time, this time putting his face up to the centipedes house shouting "HEY! in there would you like to go for a walk"
An agitated little voice came shrieking from the box.."I heard you the first time...I'm putting on my shoes !!!
jen xxx | I take it that joke was so good it needed repeating (see post 43) 
Althought the version I heard was about a centipede playing football and he was putting his boots on  |
08-09-2007, 07:19 AM
|  | Wild Member | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: bridgwater somerset
Posts: 198
| |  Re: Nature Jokes
I like the joke about the centipede my kids will appreciate that one.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
What goes zzub, zzub?
A bee flying backwards. |
08-09-2007, 11:04 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duke of York I take it that joke was so good it needed repeating (see post 43)
Althought the version I heard was about a centipede playing football and he was putting his boots on | Yes i do like that one!
Whats the biggest moth in history?
A Mammoth.
jen xxx |
08-09-2007, 11:26 AM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: Hidden in the clover
Posts: 1,561
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Whats the biggest crustacean in the world??
KINGS CROSS STATION.
(Mmmm. I'd better be off to work then now...!)
TBR |
08-09-2007, 11:29 AM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Some body sent me this a while ago;
Sven Goran Ericsson is on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and has reached the million pound question. Chris Tarrant says "Right Sven, this is for one million pounds, and remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time.'
Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a sett?
a) a Badger
b) a ferret
c) a Mole or
d) a cuckoo?
Sven ponders for a while and says "No, I'm sorry Chris, I'm not too sure. I'll have to go 50-50." Right, Sven, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with. " Badger" and "Cuckoo" are the two remaining answers. Sven has a long think, then scratches his head and says "No, Chris, I'm still not sure, I'm going to have to phone a friend. "So who are you going to call, Sven?" says Chris.
"Hmmm.. I think I'll call David Beckham." So Tarrant phones David Beckham. David, this is Chris Tarrant from 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'. I've got Sven Goran Ericsson here, and with your help he could win one million pounds. The next voice you hear will be Sven's".
"Hello David" says Sven. "It's the boss here. What type of animal lives in a sett? Is it a Badger or a cuckoo?"
"It's a Badger, boss." says Becks without hesitation.
"You sure, son?" says Sven.
"Definitely, boss. One hundred percent. It's a Badger. Definitely."
"Right, Chris," says Sven, "I'll go with David. The answer's a Badger". Final answer."
"Sven," says Chris, "That's the correct answer. You've won one million pounds!!"
Cue wild celebrations. Next morning at training, Sven calls Beckham across. "Son, that was brilliant last night. I thought I might be taking a gamble giving you a call, but you played a blinder! But how the hell did you know that a Badger lives in a sett?"
"Oh I didn't, boss," replies Beckham, "But everybody knows that a cuckoo lives in a clock."
__________________
Life tells you nothing, It shows you everything!!!
-Bach |
08-09-2007, 11:40 AM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Q: What do you call a row of Rabbits walking backwards?
A: A receding hare-line!!!
__________________
Life tells you nothing, It shows you everything!!!
-Bach |
08-09-2007, 11:42 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Love the beckham one Meles meles
jen xxx |
08-09-2007, 11:52 AM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdurbo | Thanks, Dont think i will put up more though as we all maybe putting on our coats
__________________
Life tells you nothing, It shows you everything!!!
-Bach |
08-09-2007, 11:57 AM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Unsuitable for WAB
Last edited by wildone; 08-09-2007 at 12:52 PM.
Reason: Unsuitable for family viewing.
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08-09-2007, 12:04 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Surrey
Posts: 879
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Sorry cazzie and fellow lovers of hedgies
Q: Why did the Hedgehog cross the road?
A: To see his flat mate!! 
Now listen, sons" said daddy Hedgehog. "You're old enough to leave home and there are many dangers out there, the worst one being that busy road. If you ever need to cross it, but a car comes along before you get to the other side, just make sure you're standing in the middle of the lane and it will go over you without causing harm. Look, I'll show you."
The Hedgehog went out to the middle of the lane and waited for an on-coming car.
"Here comes one!" he shouted. "Now watch how it ..." but that's all he had time to say before there was a sickening crunch and poor dad was flattened.
"Oh dear," said on of the sons, "I forgot to ask him about three wheelers.
__________________
Life tells you nothing, It shows you everything!!!
-Bach |
08-09-2007, 01:53 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the kid.
jen xxx |
08-09-2007, 06:19 PM
| | Member of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 314
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
This was in 'Flashback'.
Two officers were talking over wartime experiences. "Whatever happened to old Charles?" said the first one.
"Oh he went quite mad you know, in the desert. He went orf with a camel, actually eloped with the thing." said the other officer.
"Good Lord," said the first one. "Was it a female camel?"
"Of course it was. There was nothing odd about Charles you know." |
08-09-2007, 08:22 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What do birds like to do in the park?
Go on a PECKnic...
jen xxx |
08-09-2007, 08:51 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: North Anston, South Yorkshire
Posts: 579
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meles meles Sorry cazzie and fellow lovers of hedgies
Q: Why did the Hedgehog cross the road?
A: To see his flat mate!! | Hey that's my joke |
08-09-2007, 09:18 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: N.Yorkshire.... The Dales... can't beat it tbh
Posts: 1,915
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Don't worry about the hedgie jokes peeps - they are Jokes after all!
Jen - have to ask... you a fan of 'goats' by chance?!?  Meles meles - loved the Beckham one lol! |
08-09-2007, 09:24 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
No more goat jokes i can't think of any more..
Where do apes sleep?
In a apricot..
jen xxx |
08-09-2007, 09:35 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: North Anston, South Yorkshire
Posts: 579
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
If you like Beckham jokes here's another one with a vague nature theme.
One night long ago, when he was playing for Man Utd, Beckham phones up Alex Ferguson.
"Alex, I've been left on my own for the evening and I'm trying to do this jigsaw of a cockerel and I just cannot get any of the pieces to fit together. You couldn't come round and give me a hand could you?"
Being the friendly Scot we all know he is and being at a loose end, Alex goes round to see Beckham to see if he can give him a hand.
David is glad to to see him manager and invites Alex in and shows him the problems he is having with his jigsaw.
Alex takes one look and spots the problem straight away.
"If I was you David, I would put the Cornflakes back in the box" |
08-09-2007, 09:41 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Oh i do like david beckham!! Jokes 
jen xxx |
08-09-2007, 09:43 PM
| | Frozen | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The sunny West Midlands.
Posts: 1,133
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog." |
09-09-2007, 10:08 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,732
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Man to dog trainer: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into a corner"
Dog trainer "Thats ok, he is a boxer"
jen xxx | | | |
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