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04-09-2007, 02:38 PM
|  | Administrator and Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: On the Malvern Hills
Posts: 3,554
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Q. what's brown and sticky?
A. a stick.
Boom, boom. Now that's family entertainment and not dry eye in the house  |
04-09-2007, 02:43 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: N.Yorkshire.... The Dales... can't beat it tbh
Posts: 1,915
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by StuartDH  I've just been through and deleted some of the bluer jokes. Please remember to keep them clean and suitable for family viewing. As a quick test, imagine a school kid reading one and asking their teacher what it means - don't make the teacher blush and certainly don't end up with me having to explain it to the headteacher.
Stu | Sorry Sir! - stands in the corner..... 
Whats red and flies and wobbles at the same time?.....
A jelly copter!!!! |
04-09-2007, 02:51 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it
jen xxx |
04-09-2007, 03:41 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What kind of shoes do frogs wear??
Open toad!!!
jen xxx |
04-09-2007, 06:41 PM
| | Member of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 314
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
An elephant robbed a bank. The police ask the cashier, "Would you recognise the elephant if you saw it again?"
"No." Replies the cashier. "It had a stocking over it's head."
Boom boom! |
04-09-2007, 08:21 PM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: North Anston, South Yorkshire
Posts: 701
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What's the faster thing under the water?
A motor pike and side carp!
Why is it not safe to play cards in the jungle?
Because it's full of cheetahs!
Why did the Hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat mate! |
04-09-2007, 08:35 PM
|  | Member of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: High Wycombe
Posts: 249
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
I was talking to a friend about these and he gave me this one..
When do squirrels chase people?
When they think they're nuts! |
04-09-2007, 08:39 PM
|  | Member of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Cwmbran, South Wales
Posts: 326
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by StuartDH I've just been through and deleted some of the bluer jokes. Please remember to keep them clean and suitable for family viewing. As a quick test, imagine a school kid reading one and asking their teacher what it means - don't make the teacher blush and certainly don't end up with me having to explain it to the headteacher.
Stu | sorry Stu, i believe one of mine got deleted. Will think before i post in the future. |
04-09-2007, 10:13 PM
|  | Member of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Fareham, UK
Posts: 473
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by StuartDH I've just been through and deleted some of the bluer jokes. Please remember to keep them clean and suitable for family viewing. As a quick test, imagine a school kid reading one and asking their teacher what it means - don't make the teacher blush and certainly don't end up with me having to explain it to the headteacher.
Stu | Oops! 
Sorry Stu  |
04-09-2007, 10:45 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: North Anston, South Yorkshire
Posts: 701
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
A shetland pony goes into a bar and asks in a quiet voice if he can have a pint.
"Are you alright?" asks the barman
"Yes" says the pony "I'm just a little hoarse" |
05-09-2007, 08:11 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
A birder is leading a tour of novice birders, he points out a large bird in a distant tree and says "look there a bald eagle"
"how can you tell?" one of the novice birders asked.
"his feathers are all combed over to one side.
jen xxx |
05-09-2007, 09:37 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: North Anston, South Yorkshire
Posts: 701
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What's black and white and red all over?
A sunburnt penguin!
Why don't polar bears eat penguins?
Coz they can't get the wrappers off! |
06-09-2007, 07:09 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
How does a frog feel when he has broken a leg?
Unhoppy!!
jen xxx |
06-09-2007, 04:39 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What birds spend all their time on their knees?
Birds of prey.
jen xxx |
06-09-2007, 07:13 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Bewdley
Posts: 3,682
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
I made this one up whilst working in the farm shop this morning, I promise i didn't get from a lollipop stick! Yes it's that good
Q. Which is the Hip'ist vegetable in the green grocers?
A. The  iflower
OOH my ribs |
06-09-2007, 07:56 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts "HEY! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and did'nt pay for your sandwich"
The panda yells back at the bartender "HEY! I'm a PANDA! look it up"
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for a panda.
A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, Characterized by distinct black and white colouring, Eats shoots and leaves!!!
jen xxx |
06-09-2007, 08:34 PM
| | Frozen | | Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: march, cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,176
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
how do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?---foot prints in the butter. why do elephants paint the bottom of their feet yellow?----so they can turn upside down and look like a bowl of custard. |
07-09-2007, 08:21 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem. 
jen xxx |
07-09-2007, 11:04 AM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What kind of music do monkeys like?
Swing!!!! 
jen xxx |
07-09-2007, 12:27 PM
| | Frozen | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The sunny West Midlands.
Posts: 1,133
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
This isn't a joke.
But it's funny, so I had to put it somewhere...........
Keith.  |
07-09-2007, 12:49 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
AAww thats so cute!!
jen xxx |
07-09-2007, 04:06 PM
|  | Wild Member | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Hampshire
Posts: 225
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud |
07-09-2007, 04:11 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
Who is a bee's favourite singer?
Sting
jen xxx |
07-09-2007, 05:08 PM
| | Active Member | | Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somerset
Posts: 85
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What's a Mole's favourite band?
The velvet underground.
Who is a robin's favourite singer, and indeed the favourite of many of our feathered, flying friends?
Chris de BIRD! |
07-09-2007, 05:11 PM
| | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 1,734
| | | Re: Nature Jokes
What do you call a goat that lipsyncs??
Biily~vanilli
jen xxx | | | |
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