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15-08-2007, 02:11 PM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Haydon Bridge (that's in Northumberland)
Posts: 851
| |  10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
1. if you drop a pen in a field, even if there are no cows, it will find the only cowpat for miles.
2. you can be in the middle of a field with seemingly no-one for miles but if you fall over whilst doing survey work, you can guarantee that at least 10 people will see.
3. no matter how careful you are, at some point you will rub your nose and then spend the rest of the day wondering why people are pointing and giggling, until some good samaritan will say 'did you know you've got mud on your nose?' and all will become clear!
4. at some point you will become overly confident in your depth perception and stand in a puddle/ditch/stream that will go straight over the top of your wellies leaving you with wet feet.
5. if you forget your waterproofs it doesn't matter if its blazing sunshine it will rain on you. likewise if you take all your waterproofs because its black and horrid looking it will end up being the hottest day of the year.
6. if you have to leap over a wall to escape stampeding livestock you will either land in a) the bit of the field where the cattle mill about the most and end up stood in 2 foot of unspeakableness, b) a deep ditch or c) a big patch of bramble infested nettles.
7. don't look up if you're stood still in a field counting stuff, because there's always a swarm of flies, and its better to not know about them, or you get paranoid.
8. even if you have sunglasses on some small annoying bug will always fly into your eye and get stuck, leaving you with uncontrollably streaming eyes which make it impossible to see
9. it pays to be careful when threading your way through long vegetation as there's nearly always a hidden ditch, and if you're not paying attention you will end up sat in it.
10. be careful when crossing those logs-across-very-muddy-area bridgey things. at least once in your lifetime the one you stand on will give way, dumping you and your backpack into the quagmire, and leaving you looking like swampy!
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I enjoy my life...its the only one I've got :D |
15-08-2007, 02:17 PM
| | Frozen | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The sunny West Midlands.
Posts: 1,133
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
I've done about 7 of those !!!
Keith. |
15-08-2007, 02:21 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Haydon Bridge (that's in Northumberland)
Posts: 851
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by kshotton45  I've done about 7 of those !!!
Keith. | how do you suppose i know that these are ten of the things you need to be careful of? 
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I enjoy my life...its the only one I've got :D |
15-08-2007, 02:23 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Laindon, Basildon, Essex.
Posts: 2,438
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
LOL
Some of these are familiar to me too .... but I am not owning up to which as you will think I am really stupid .
Richard |
15-08-2007, 02:30 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Haydon Bridge (that's in Northumberland)
Posts: 851
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by rlchew LOL
Some of these are familiar to me too .... but I am not owning up to which as you will think I am really stupid .
Richard | no more than me, and its a well known fact that i'm brilliant! 
11. you always loose one welly in a bog, never both. this is so that the magically appearing people from 2 can laugh as you hop around trying to retrieve the welly without getting your sock wet!
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I enjoy my life...its the only one I've got :D |
15-08-2007, 02:39 PM
|  | Member of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Brighton
Posts: 277
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by almostnormal 1. if you drop a pen in a field, even if there are no cows, it will find the only cowpat for miles.
2. you can be in the middle of a field with seemingly no-one for miles but if you fall over whilst doing survey work, you can guarantee that at least 10 people will see.
3. no matter how careful you are, at some point you will rub your nose and then spend the rest of the day wondering why people are pointing and giggling, until some good samaritan will say 'did you know you've got mud on your nose?' and all will become clear!
4. at some point you will become overly confident in your depth perception and stand in a puddle/ditch/stream that will go straight over the top of your wellies leaving you with wet feet.
5. if you forget your waterproofs it doesn't matter if its blazing sunshine it will rain on you. likewise if you take all your waterproofs because its black and horrid looking it will end up being the hottest day of the year.
6. if you have to leap over a wall to escape stampeding livestock you will either land in a) the bit of the field where the cattle mill about the most and end up stood in 2 foot of unspeakableness, b) a deep ditch or c) a big patch of bramble infested nettles.
7. don't look up if you're stood still in a field counting stuff, because there's always a swarm of flies, and its better to not know about them, or you get paranoid.
8. even if you have sunglasses on some small annoying bug will always fly into your eye and get stuck, leaving you with uncontrollably streaming eyes which make it impossible to see
9. it pays to be careful when threading your way through long vegetation as there's nearly always a hidden ditch, and if you're not paying attention you will end up sat in it.
10. be careful when crossing those logs-across-very-muddy-area bridgey things. at least once in your lifetime the one you stand on will give way, dumping you and your backpack into the quagmire, and leaving you looking like swampy! | Sorry, but some of this needs some amendments.
1. If you drop your pen in a field, even if it is the shortest grass, and you saw exactly where it fell - can you find it? can you heck!
2. If you fall over in a field, even if there are seemingly no cow pats or cows around, guaranteed that you will land in the only pat in the whole county.
3. No matter how careful you are, at some stage during the day you will put your fingers in your mouth and taste something vile that you were handling earlier in the day, and will taste it until you get back home and can swill your mouth out with whiskey.
4. Fine as it is, been there, done that.
5. If you take your waterproofs on what turns out to be the hottest day of the year, you end up sweating so much inside them that you are wetter than you would ever have been had it rained and you didn't have the waterproofs on you.
6. If you have to leap over a wall to avoid stampeding livestock, chances are that there is a big gap in the fence about 5 metres further up, and they just come flooding through there, leaving you to run for your life all over again, but this time without any clear idea of where safety lies.
7. Something to do with horseflies, but not sure what my point is. Also Craneflies, why do they always fly into my ears?
8. How can I possibly strike the right balance between needing to protect my eyes with sunglasses and being able to see the true colour of the vegetation I am looking at? And how do I deal with paper blindness - looking up from writing on a glaring white sheet of paper, and everything around me looks washed out as my eyes have blown a fuse.
9. Been there, done that. But what about the hidden strand of barbed wire to act as trip wire, then end up face first in nettles and thistles.
10. I Have come to the conclusion that these seemingly helpful additions to the path network are actually boobytraps set by the feckless youth, with hidden cameras waiting to capture that priceless moment on video. Actually, not priceless, I understand You've Been Framed pays £250 a time for this sort of thing. If you fall off, reassure yourself that you are therefore helping the rural economy with a cash injection courtesy of ITV shareholders.
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The best things in life aren't things. |
15-08-2007, 02:48 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Haydon Bridge (that's in Northumberland)
Posts: 851
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by svenrufus Sorry, but some of this needs some amendments.
1. If you drop your pen in a field, even if it is the shortest grass, and you saw exactly where it fell - can you find it? can you heck!
2. If you fall over in a field, even if there are seemingly no cow pats or cows around, guaranteed that you will land in the only pat in the whole county.
3. No matter how careful you are, at some stage during the day you will put your fingers in your mouth and taste something vile that you were handling earlier in the day, and will taste it until you get back home and can swill your mouth out with whiskey.
4. Fine as it is, been there, done that.
5. If you take your waterproofs on what turns out to be the hottest day of the year, you end up sweating so much inside them that you are wetter than you would ever have been had it rained and you didn't have the waterproofs on you.
6. If you have to leap over a wall to avoid stampeding livestock, chances are that there is a big gap in the fence about 5 metres further up, and they just come flooding through there, leaving you to run for your life all over again, but this time without any clear idea of where safety lies.
7. Something to do with horseflies, but not sure what my point is. Also Craneflies, why do they always fly into my ears?
8. How can I possibly strike the right balance between needing to protect my eyes with sunglasses and being able to see the true colour of the vegetation I am looking at? And how do I deal with paper blindness - looking up from writing on a glaring white sheet of paper, and everything around me looks washed out as my eyes have blown a fuse.
9. Been there, done that. But what about the hidden strand of barbed wire to act as trip wire, then end up face first in nettles and thistles.
10. I Have come to the conclusion that these seemingly helpful additions to the path network are actually boobytraps set by the feckless youth, with hidden cameras waiting to capture that priceless moment on video. Actually, not priceless, I understand You've Been Framed pays £250 a time for this sort of thing. If you fall off, reassure yourself that you are therefore helping the rural economy with a cash injection courtesy of ITV shareholders. | these are surely new things?
7. the horseflies - yes. its 'la lala la la what a beautiful d- argh!!!! what the?!? you little.....' as you realise its left a saucer shaped swelling on the back of your knee.
8. yes paper blindness....there is no cure for this. it is a hazard of fieldwork of the none mechanical kind. like snow blindness. the only way is to remember to wear the sunglasses whilst writing, rmove them whilst looking down at the flora and put them back on again beofre you go back to writing. add to this though....
12. when looking at your impractical but very pretty girly watch (obviously this does not apply to the boys) remember to make sure the sun is not behind you as otherwise you will end up dazzled by the shiny face, little crystals around the edge and silver fittings and have to sit down, (see sven's take on 2) 
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I enjoy my life...its the only one I've got :D |
15-08-2007, 02:55 PM
|  | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: West Oxfordshire.
Posts: 817
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by svenrufus Sorry, but some of this needs some amendments.
1. If you drop your pen in a field, even if it is the shortest grass, and you saw exactly where it fell - can you find it? can you heck!
2. If you fall over in a field, even if there are seemingly no cow pats or cows around, guaranteed that you will land in the only pat in the whole county.
3. No matter how careful you are, at some stage during the day you will put your fingers in your mouth and taste something vile that you were handling earlier in the day, and will taste it until you get back home and can swill your mouth out with whiskey.
4. Fine as it is, been there, done that.
5. If you take your waterproofs on what turns out to be the hottest day of the year, you end up sweating so much inside them that you are wetter than you would ever have been had it rained and you didn't have the waterproofs on you.
6. If you have to leap over a wall to avoid stampeding livestock, chances are that there is a big gap in the fence about 5 metres further up, and they just come flooding through there, leaving you to run for your life all over again, but this time without any clear idea of where safety lies.
7. Something to do with horseflies, but not sure what my point is. Also Craneflies, why do they always fly into my ears?
8. How can I possibly strike the right balance between needing to protect my eyes with sunglasses and being able to see the true colour of the vegetation I am looking at? And how do I deal with paper blindness - looking up from writing on a glaring white sheet of paper, and everything around me looks washed out as my eyes have blown a fuse.
9. Been there, done that. But what about the hidden strand of barbed wire to act as trip wire, then end up face first in nettles and thistles.
10. I Have come to the conclusion that these seemingly helpful additions to the path network are actually boobytraps set by the feckless youth, with hidden cameras waiting to capture that priceless moment on video. Actually, not priceless, I understand You've Been Framed pays £250 a time for this sort of thing. If you fall off, reassure yourself that you are therefore helping the rural economy with a cash injection courtesy of ITV shareholders. | I find number 1 works with lens caps as well, and I look forward to finding as much hidden barbed wire as I can, to see how many more rips I can put in boots, what joy
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sdrawkcab backwards is backwards |
15-08-2007, 03:11 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 985
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
13 When you find a rare or at least extremely interesting plant, be sure that if you want to show it to someone else, the semicircle of cows that have been standing watching you taking notes about it will be trampling all over it within 11.3 seconds of you moving away.
henrya |
15-08-2007, 03:11 PM
|  | Knight Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Chilterns
Posts: 7,717
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
!2 : if you only take one mower to site , it will fail to start when you get there (and if you are more than a hour from the depot you wont be able to fix it either) - on the other hand if you take a spare all will run perfectly 
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"new improved eeyore , now with added tact..... for that whiter brighter finish" |
15-08-2007, 03:16 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Haydon Bridge (that's in Northumberland)
Posts: 851
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by thunder 13 When you find a rare or at least extremely interesting plant, be sure that if you want to show it to someone else, the semicircle of cows that have been standing watching you taking notes about it will be trampling all over it within 11.3 seconds of you moving away.
henrya | sometimes its quicker than that. i found a plant i couldn't id, so turned around to get the ecologist, and when i turned back to try and have another go there was a sneaky little Rabbit munching it. 
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I enjoy my life...its the only one I've got :D |
15-08-2007, 03:16 PM
|  | Wild Member | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Worcestershire
Posts: 151
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
To be honeset these days my number 1 thing to remember when I go into the countryside is....
...... where I parked the car when I got there and did I bring the kids! |
15-08-2007, 03:17 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Haydon Bridge (that's in Northumberland)
Posts: 851
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by eeyore !2 : if you only take one mower to site , it will fail to start when you get there (and if you are more than a hour from the depot you wont be able to fix it either) - on the other hand if you take a spare all will run perfectly | does that apply to brushcutters as well?
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I enjoy my life...its the only one I've got :D |
15-08-2007, 03:21 PM
|  | Member of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Cwmbran, South Wales
Posts: 325
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
14. You see a rare or new species you haven't seen before, you set up your camera to get that perfect shot that you can gloat about to your mates, about to press the button to take the pic and the darn thing has gone/flown off. aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrg  |
15-08-2007, 03:54 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Haydon Bridge (that's in Northumberland)
Posts: 851
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by peppermint 14. You see a rare or new species you haven't seen before, you set up your camera to get that perfect shot that you can gloat about to your mates, about to press the button to take the pic and the darn thing has gone/flown off. aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrg | ah, yes this happens to me a lot as well. usually its followed by soemannoyed anglo saxon and a careful wadethrough to where it landed until it sits still long enough for me to catch it. it was whilst photographing a High Brown fritillary that i encountered original post item number 9. sigh. i did also once step backwards to get a better shot of a flower only to trip over a tree root and end up sat down!
a new one has just occurred to me as well, which is
15. if you step backwards to avoid a swinging branch sent your way by a colleague you almost always either trip over a root, stand in a patch of deep mud, or get tangled in over hanging branches and brambles.
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I enjoy my life...its the only one I've got :D |
15-08-2007, 04:43 PM
| | Knight Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Chilterns
Posts: 7,717
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by almostnormal does that apply to brushcutters as well? | that depends on how much menacing sedge there is in the vicinity
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"new improved eeyore , now with added tact..... for that whiter brighter finish" |
15-08-2007, 07:07 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Lancashire
Posts: 2,680
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
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15-08-2007, 08:20 PM
|  | Commander of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Nr Kidderminster-The loosing Town of Britain In Bloom
Posts: 3,185
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Me too! Every week infact. Glad i'm not alone!!! |
15-08-2007, 08:23 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Haydon Bridge (that's in Northumberland)
Posts: 851
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jez Me too! Every week infact. Glad i'm not alone!!! | you're not. we're all in same boat.....unless we fall out, then we'll be in the same creek!
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I enjoy my life...its the only one I've got :D |
15-08-2007, 08:25 PM
| | Officer of the Wild Empire | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Haydon Bridge (that's in Northumberland)
Posts: 851
| | | Re: 10 things to remember when you go into the countryside
Quote:
Originally Posted by eeyore that depends on how much menacing sedge there is in the vicinity | what if its not menacing, just a bit grouchy?
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