Profound questions for a Sunday Afternoon

[dbozkurt]

Its Sunday Afternoon in Stornoway, the weather is closing in and the Birds are battening down the hatches so I thought I would start a thread which people could ask the profound questions they always wanted to. I thought I would start off:

1. Why isn't phoentic spelt with a F

2. How do Seagulls see bread a mile off

3. Where do pigeons come from (never seen baby)

4. What was the best thing before slice bread

5. Why does my nose run and my feet smell

6. Why does mineral water that has “trickled through mountains for centuries” go out of date in a space of a few months?

Your turn!

Debs

[agrumpycow]

Like it! Here's one I've always wondered:
Why when the weathermen say it's mild in winter is it warmer than usual, yet mild in summer means colder than usual? What is 'mild'!?

[seamusagleann]

1 what would happen if the law of gravity was repealled ?

2 do all the swiss army carry knives ?

3 why does a two minute job last three hours ?

4 why is it it's always the last piece in a jigsaw that's missing ?

5 why do you never run out of milk when the shops are open ?

6 is bad weather better than no weather at all ?

ps it's wet here in glen coe too !!

[Boddie]

Its Sunday Afternoon in Stornoway, the weather is closing in and the Birds are battening down the hatches so I thought I would start a thread which people could ask the profound questions they always wanted to. I thought I would start off:

1. Why isn't phoentic spelt with a F

2. How do Seagulls see bread a mile off

3. Where do pigeons come from (never seen baby)

4. What was the best thing before slice bread

The wheel

5. Why does my nose run and my feet smell

Because you are upside down

6. Why does mineral water that has “trickled through mountains for centuries” go out of date in a space of a few months?

Because Evain is niave spelt backwards, and they started it.

Your turn!

Debs

Nice thread by the way

[nightshade]

Is champagne any better than real pain
Is shampoo better than real poo
5 your nose is trying to get away from your smelly feet quickly
Mild is a type of beer

[demicav]

Good thread, can't think of any myself but it's just what I need on this very wet Sunday.

[demicav]

Ok I have one. Why do parents always tell their children " I won't tell you again " and then straight away tell them again ? I know I'm guilty of it.

[seamusagleann]

and when they are young we want them to walk and talk and then later we tell them to sit down and shut up

[RogerTheCat]

What is the opposite of opposite?

Why is a lost item always found in the last place you look?

Why is dyslexic so difficult to spell?

[dbozkurt]

Thought of another one,

If Olive Oil is made from Olives, Walnut Oil is made from walnuts whats baby oil made from?

Debs

[seamusagleann]

is any ale that's not real ale ,unreal ale ?

[DaiTheDragon]

Why do women pluck their eyebrows and then get a big black pen and draw them back on.

Dai

[thunder]

Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

henrya

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by seamusagleann

is any ale that's not real ale ,unreal ale ?

no ,ale which isnt real ale is industriale

[thunder]

Originally Posted by eeyore

no ,ale which isnt real ale is industriale

And also undrinkabale

henrya

[Donaidh]

Here's one....They say tomorrow never comes...but when it does you will have yesterday to remember.....one of my favourite quotes. It helps life to carry on.

[pressld2]

Nice thread!

Here's an old one, courtesy of Billy Connoly: How does the man who drives the snow plough get to his work in the morning?

[Bombus Bombus]

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? And one for the boffins in the astronomy forum,what is the speed of dark?

[almostnormal]

well, my very own questions are:

why whenever i'm out surveying and i drop my pen does it always find a cowpat, even if there are no cows anywhere around?!?

how is it when your covered head to toe in deet a bug still manages to find the only bit you missed?

why are clouds always blown towards you, and not away from you?

why is it that teachers with bo lean over you , and the ones with bad breath (from cigs and coffee) stand in front of you?


and in answer to the ones boddie missed!

1. Why isn't phoentic spelt with a F

because its an english word, and we like to confuse other countries with our ridiculously difficult language

2. How do Seagulls see bread a mile off

binocular vision and homing instincts

3. Where do pigeons come from (never seen baby)

i think they split like bacteria

4. What was the best thing before slice bread

The wheel

or possibly swiss chocolate (around longer than pre sliced bread)

5. Why does my nose run and my feet smell

Because you are upside down

6. Why does mineral water that has “trickled through mountains for centuries” go out of date in a space of a few months?

Because Evain is niave spelt backwards, and they started it.

and also because if it didn't you could keep it for longer, so they add something to it so you have to buy more

this is an intriging thread - and its still raining on monday morning!

[Gill Catton]

Originally Posted by dbozkurt

Its Sunday Afternoon in Stornoway, the weather is closing in and the Birds are battening down the hatches so I thought I would start a thread which people could ask the profound questions they always wanted to. I thought I would start off:

1. Why isn't phoentic spelt with a F

2. How do Seagulls see bread a mile off

3. Where do pigeons come from (never seen baby)

You do all the time but they don't fledge until they look very much like adults, look for scruffy feathers and a seemingly longer bill

4. What was the best thing before slice bread

5. Why does my nose run and my feet smell

6. Why does mineral water that has “trickled through mountains for centuries” go out of date in a space of a few months?

Your turn!

Debs

why do kestrels have males and females with different colour plumages but the hobby doesn't?

Same question regarding house sparrows and tree sparrows

[Boddie]

Why do triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones?

Why at the end of every party is there always a girl crying?

Why is it you are never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps?

Why is it that everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator?

Why does nobody ever dare make cup-a-soup in a bowl?

Why despite constant warning have you never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan?

Why is it that everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose?

[Boddie]

I cant believe I spelt both Evian and Naive wrong, or is one of the MODS winding me up?

[Ann2]

Oh Boddie, what an upbringing you must have had!

[G0NYM]

This is one that baffled me .
Why have frosted glass in aeroplane toilets, and how comes there is always just enough news to fill a paper.........
Martin

[Gill Catton]

Originally Posted by Boddie

Why do triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones?

Not sure but you're right!! even better if made by someone other than yourself

Why at the end of every party is there always a girl crying?

because in a large group of people there is always a good chance of some of those people being horrible people who don't care about other's feelings - either that or there's always someone too drunk to properly operate their mascara wand....

Why is it you are never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps?

because someone somewhere once said that green potatoes are poisonous but I don't know who or when

Why is it that everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator?

not sure but probably these days most folk use the calculator on the pc and its tricky to turn the monitor upside down

Why does nobody ever dare make cup-a-soup in a bowl?

don't know but you're right its weird! - maybe because its a bit thin and wimpy or won't go very far in a bowl

Why despite constant warning have you never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan?

Why is it that everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose?