Profound questions for a Sunday Afternoon

[agrumpycow]

Originally Posted by dbozkurt

Oh one last thing.... If a crocodile makes an allegation does it become an alligator...boom boom!
Debs

and if we can cry 'crocodile tears' what do crocodiles cry?
or can turkeys get 'human bumps'

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by dbozkurt

Oh one last thing.... If a crocodile makes an allegation does it become an alligator

Debs

and once the case is resolved does it revert to being a crocodeal ?

[almostnormal]

Originally Posted by eeyore

I think its probably because the exercise of getting up and leaving the pub makes your heart beat faster and thus more booze enter your bloodstream - I have noticed a similar effect when throwing shapes on the dance floor (and i have to be very drunk to attempt that) - personally i find the cold air sobers me up - which is a good thing if i'm too bevvied to coherently call a cab)

so lucky.....i've had to stop drinking due to the instant hangover cold air gives me. sigh. still, it does mean i know have enough blackmail material to keep me in free pepsi for the remainder of my existence!

[Kymba]

Godness you two that gag was awful.. have a go at these

Do witches run spell checkers?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is Hang Over Cure called "Hair Of The Dog" ?

[almostnormal]

Originally Posted by Kymba

Ok next

1) If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? YES

2) If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? umm...succeeded in failing...oooh my head hurts now...

3) Why don't sheep shrink in the rain? (real wool Jumpers do when you wash them) aha...because before we get hold of it sheeps wool is waterproof...

4) If a man washes a dish, and no woman is around to see it, did it happen? in theory, but in my experience men rarely use dishes if they can eat straight out of the pan, i usually find the evidence of this

5) Why when we get to a certain age do we suddenly become our parents? it natures way of punishing us for being so mean about them when we were younger. love thy parents and never mock, and hopefuly you will not become them!

6)What is the speed of darkness? faster than light....when you think about it it must have chased the light away

why, when the earth is round, do we say scattered to the four corners?

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by almostnormal

so lucky.....i've had to stop drinking due to the instant hangover cold air gives me. sigh. still, it does mean i know have enough blackmail material to keep me in free pepsi for the remainder of my existence!

which also has the dual advantages of making you a cheap date, and meaning that as a designated driver will always be available no one will have to explain their location drunkenly to a taxi firm

bearing these points in mind you should at the very least be able to find a guy who knows what a hankercheif is for

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by Kymba

Why is Hang Over Cure called "Hair Of The Dog" ?

because in folk remedies the cure for a dog bite is made from the hair of the dog that bit you - thus hair of the dog doesnt mean a generic hangover cure it means more booze which makes you feel better by taking the hangover away .... until you sober up again of course at which point you feel worse than ever

[almostnormal]

Originally Posted by eeyore

which also has the dual advantages of making you a cheap date, and meaning that as a designated driver will always be available no one will have to explain their location drunkenly to a taxi firm

bearing these points in mind you should at the very least be able to find a guy who knows what a hankercheif is for

you've never been to lancaster have you?

and what do you mean cheap date?!?

[almostnormal]

Originally Posted by Kymba

Godness you two that gag was awful.. have a go at these

Do witches run spell checkers?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is Hang Over Cure called "Hair Of The Dog" ?

1. no....they cook up a potion for anyone silly enough to point out their mistakes
2. i don't know, but its making my hair go bubblegum coloured rather than the deep magenta its supposed to be
3. thousands of tiny miscroscopis gnomes with oars keep it swirly round inside so it never solidifies
4. because it was designed by a bloke who'd been hit one too many times

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by almostnormal

you've never been to lancaster have you?

and what do you mean cheap date?!?

A girl who drinks pepsi alnight is considerably cheaper to take out than one who drinks wine at 20 quid a glass (ref my ex in previous posts) - and she can drive you home afterwards saving the taxi fare - an alround result -

I definitely didnt mean cheap in any other sense

*Note to self*
i) think before you press submit
ii) stop posting after the sixth bottle of magners
iii) when in a hole stop digging

[almostnormal]

Originally Posted by eeyore

A girl who drinks pepsi alnight is considerably cheaper to take out than one who drinks wine at 20 quid a glass (ref my ex in previous posts) - and she can drive you home afterwards saving the taxi fare - an alround result -

I definitely didnt mean cheap in any other sense

*Note to self*
i) think before you press submit
ii) stop posting after the sixth bottle of magners
iii) when in a hole stop digging

all good advice...see the edit smiley!

i didn't know wine came in glasses that expensive....

[Garden Carpet]

Loo seats would not be fitted to loos if they were meant to display the gaping mouth!!!!. Therefore they must be closed... logic ...innit!
jaki

why does abbreviation have to be such a long word?

why does the furniture move in the night..causing stubbed toes on bathroom visits?

[dbozkurt]

I am off to bed know......I am going to dream of Magners! Tommorrow going to go and buy a few so I can understand the jokes.

One last question before my head hits the pillow:

Been watching old series of Hill Street Blues on DVD, why is it the men I thought were old enough to be my granddad now become extremly attractive...got a crush on the Sarge. I am off tomorrow to drink my 9 pints of magners and find a toy boy minus the traffic cone!!

Goodnight see you tomorrow.

Debs

[almostnormal]

Originally Posted by dbozkurt

I am off to bed know......I am going to dream of Magners! Tommorrow going to go and buy a few so I can understand the jokes.

One last question before my head hits the pillow:

Been watching old series of Hill Street Blues on DVD, why is it the men I thought were old enough to be my granddad now become extremly attractive...got a crush on the Sarge. I am off tomorrow to drink my 9 pints of magners and find a toy boy minus the traffic cone!!

Goodnight see you tomorrow.

Debs

yee gods debs, don't do it. start with one. magners is nasty stuff.....do you really want a toy boy? if so two bits of wisdom:

1. do not, under any circumstances, let them near a PS2, you will never see them again
2. do not, under any circumstances, let them near a sports bar, you will never see them again and you will develop an unhealthy need to watch sport, whatever it is!

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by almostnormal

all good advice...see the edit smiley!

i didn't know wine came in glasses that expensive....

neither did I until I made the mistake of taking kelly to the Compleat Angler - the menu and wine list didnt display prices which is always a bad sign , and when the bill came I didnt read it I just threw down my credit card in a suave, sophisticated, and stupid manner

it was only when the credit card bill came that I saw that the total for a meal for two came to over 250 notes - naturally I thought it was an error so the compleat angler sent me a copy of the bill and there you have it

5 glasses of chateau de rip off at £20 per glass , and what made it worse was that by that point she'd gone off with said stockbroker GRRRRRRRR not that i'm bitter or anything.

which leads me into my next two questions

a) Should a gentleman always pick up the tab on a date or is it now more pc to go dutch ?
and
b) why do they call it going dutch anyway ?

[eeyore]

Originally Posted by almostnormal

do you really want a toy boy?

nah dont do it us 30 something men who are in the prime of life are a much better catch - though it is an inconveniently longway to benbecula from here

i'm off up the little wooden hill to bedfordshire too - talk to you folks tommorow manana

[almostnormal]

Originally Posted by eeyore

neither did I until I made the mistake of taking kelly to the Compleat Angler - the menu and wine list didnt display prices which is always a bad sign , and when the bill came I didnt read it I just threw down my credit card in a suave, sophisticated, and stupid manner

it was only when the credit card bill came that I saw that the total for a meal for two came to over 250 notes - naturally I thought it was an error so the compleat angler sent me a copy of the bill and there you have it

5 glasses of chateau de rip off at £20 per glass , and what made it worse was that by that point she'd gone off with said stockbroker GRRRRRRRR not that i'm bitter or anything.

which leads me into my next two questions

a) Should a gentleman always pick up the tab on a date or is it now more pc to go dutch ?
and
b) why do they call it going dutch anyway ?

gack. hence my total non having of credit cards. far to easy to spend money i don't have.

i don't think gentleman should have to pick up the tab (unless they've done something, well, ungentlemanly), much more democratic to split the bill. i have no idea why the call it going dutch...i shall endeavour to find out though. there's bound to be an answer on google somewhere.....

[thunder]

Quote
do not, under any circumstances, let them near a PS2, you will never see them again
Endquote

Are toyboys so interested in 20 year-old computers?

henrya

[dbozkurt]

Originally Posted by eeyore

nah dont do it us 30 something men who are in the prime of life are a much better catch - though it is an inconveniently longway to benbecula from here

I am in my early 40s (well preserved....and no eeyore I don't mean pickled!) so 30s would be toy boy

Why do they call them toy boy, is it cause they always run off with a sindy look a like and leave you without anyone to play with?

Debs

[svenrufus]

Excellent thread
I see that someone has already dealt with the 'if the seat's up, put it down' issue, so here are a couple of my questions
Is it possible to be addicted to therapy, and if so, how do you treat it?
What did students steal before traffic cones?
What did eeyore drink before Magners (apart from snakebite and black, eeuchh!!)?

[GME]

[quote=Garden Carpet;136740]Loo seats would not be fitted to loos if they were meant to display the gaping mouth!!!!. Therefore they must be closed... logic ...innit!
jaki

QUOTE]

Then why are they able to be lifted up at all?? After all, surely an invention that allows Eeyore (sorry mate) to be more accurate after all his Magners is a good thing anyway And if we don't put it down atfer then it's a small price to pay in comparison to a possible wet bum

Anyway, I don't know how I got dragged into all this 'toilet humour', I'm a good boy and always replace said seat

and if we can cry 'crocodile tears' what do crocodiles cry?
or can turkeys get 'human bumps'

and if we have to worm ourselves out of a predicament what do worms have to do??