Hello again

[PMG]

Just before I go off to bed and take my sore throat and raggardy cough with me..........

Today - this evening in fact - is the 17th anniversary of mine and hubbys very first date ........ and the week which followed was pink cloud divine - seriously ..........

Prior to this night I had been living alone for 11 years since my first marriage ended in divorce - and the alone was thro thick and thin - and it was wearing thin and I was lonely and fed up of the 'the buck stopping here'... but you don't meet someone who could be your life partner every 5 mins - well I certainly didn't

And then I tripped over Ian (and being wily and 11 years his senior I decided to run off and seduce this toyboy before he had time to realise what was happening......... evil? wicked? fun!!!) Well it wasn't quite like that but near enough - I knew with a sureness I'd never possesed before that this was 100% right in every way and I did something very uncharacteristic for me - I jumped in with both feet and caused heart attacks and panic among my friends who thought I;'d taken leave of senses - and boy had I? By the end of this first blissfull week Ian never really went home again............

What I'm saying Dutchess is bad times do go away and you can find love again and such love as you never dared hope for - so hang in cos this is not the end - this is a severe left turn towards something better - let me know when it happens

Pauline

[Dutchess]

Thanks again all who have rallied round. Yesterday I went to bed with a sounder mind and I feel it was due to the support you lot have shown on this thread. A little bit of tenderness and understanding will go a long way at the moment, feeling as isolated as I do.

Being of a certain age (stupid expression) one expects to have been through the mill a few times where loving and losing is concerned, but this hit me like a bolt from the blue. My heart was broken overnight. It was the unexpectedness, the timing (really crass, if only you knew) and the fact that he picked up with a new girl immediately. He is living in the house opposite mine and takes her back there so I feel a prisoner in my own home! I dread going to the window or going out - I have caught sight of them together already. He left me with very little to salvage from the relationship, snatching it back and trashing the good times, being a totally selfish person by nature this is his way of dealing with it. "Build a bridge and get over it" .... that was his advice to me. Never one for heavy heart-to-hearts, but that remark surpassed even his own callousness.

Ok...I know what you're thinking and you are right...he was a bad 'un, but you can't help who you fall in love with and this is killing me just as much had he been god's gift.

I really do have to find something to motivate me, it's very hard to get going and obviously anything connected with what we used to do together is out, which sort of limits my options as he was always "there", whatever I did. So much so that it was stifling at times....and now he's gone I'm left with a void to fill, whichever way I turn. Suggestions, on a postcard please...

[Hedge Witch]

I'm so shocked that he lives opposite. This is callous. This is unbelievable.

Is moving house an option?

If someone did that to me I'd probably throw a brick through the window or something.

IT'S SO INSENSITIVE.

ARGGGHHHH.

You know, it probably won't last with the new woman. If he is this selfish now, he's probably not going to get better. I wonder what she thinks of his selfish attitude?

Do you know this woman? Does she know you?

I don't know what other WABers think, but I think your ex is a bit of a oeoeoeoeoe!

[Hedge Witch]

Originally Posted by Dutchess

I really do have to find something to motivate me, it's very hard to get going and obviously anything connected with what we used to do together is out, which sort of limits my options as he was always "there", whatever I did. So much so that it was stifling at times....and now he's gone I'm left with a void to fill, whichever way I turn. Suggestions, on a postcard please...

I was so shocked with the first bit I forgot to help with this. You need time to get over him a bit for a while (but it doesn't help that he's living opposite (the selfish @@@@@@ - sorry did I already mention that I think he's an oeoeoeoeoe)?

Can you take a break and get away from the house. Rediscover yourself? At least get a new haircut, change of perfume, new clothes etc. Can you get a friend to stay with you for a bit of moral support at the very least?

[Kayleigh]

I agree with HW...He seems a complete and utter B oeoeoeoe

I really feel for you Dutchess...Remember we are all here for you..Its bad enough when you cant see them, with out them being on your doorstep..
Show him your strong and don't need him try to get out and let him see you going out get a taxi, dress up and have some fun with some girly friends
You will bounce back...

[juliejam]

Nothing really surprises me anymore what some people will get up to ...Ive had my fair share of having salt rubbed into the wound as they say..Keep busy and try and look forward..its not easy but getting through each day at a time will help..set yourself some new goals and be proud of yourself..you have been given a other chance of making a new life for yourself..grab this with both hands ...you will look back in yrs to come and feel it was one of the best thing that happened to you..who knows what lies ahead...it has to be better that those last moments together..try not to feel bitter ..this only keeps you down and stops you from going foward..everything takes time to get over..try and stay positive and certainly stop yourself from looking out that window..it wont do you any good at all.... Dont forget to smile.. you have plenty of friends here that are thinking and care about you..

Julie

[PMG]

No man would make me a prisoner in my own home .......... I'd go out if I had to claw my way up the street. Yes I know easy for me to say - I'm not feeling nervous and broken (unless having flu counts?!) but remember no-one can make you feel inferior without your permision - and no-one can make you feel frightened unless you let them. Despite your shock at this betrayal - I'd say you were well out of this - you do not need a s**t like this ..........

What about friends or family? No-one who will come round and stay or at least put a presence in till you get your nerve back?

Pauline

[galanthus]

My goodness what a lucky lucky escape you've had What a stinking shmuck

Even if you have nowhere particular to go I would doll up to the nines, get myself very visibly into a taxi and even just go and sit in the cinema for 2 films in a row just to salvage a bit of pride for yourself.

Honestly, you can do better, you just need the strength to get through this initial period and then the confidence and faith that some gorgeous bloke will sweep you up and snog you !! Am in huge rush at mo as just in from work, however, will pm tomoz and make feel better x

[GTH]

Hello Dutchess,

Julie is right. We sometimes lose ourselves and forget who we are when faced with tough decisions which leads to us allowing others to treat us less than we`d like to be treated. Believe you me i`ve had some real dark times and had to have a good look at myself for allowing others to do so. I had to learn to respect myself and see others for who they really are......your experience tells more about others than it does about you. Life is about choices that we make, so now you can consider yourself .....and you will come through this with flying colours and a better person, however it will take time, so be kind to yourself and surround yourself with kind and understanding people who you can be yourself around.
Be positive Duchess
"The sun is still shining.....it`s just above the clouds"


Geoff

[IanMcL]

Dear Duchess


What an appalling situation! I'm new here and don't know you but have been through a similar situation more than once and, despite being a cliché, it is true that "What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger"

I agree with the point that Pauline made about giving your ex permission to make you feel bad; I know it sounds mad but it is very true.

You have had a very lucky escape and you should feel very sorry for the poor girl who's lumbered with him at the mo!

From peoples reaction on here you are obviously a well-loved and valued member of this community; I will be thinking of you and wishing all happiness - and sooner rather than later!