HELP! Getting rid of unwanted crows and magpies humainly

[Lucy_lou]

Being right by the sea you would've thought I'd be moaning about seagulls - but - much as they wake me up every morning - they are not the pests I thought they would be. Probably because I have 2 large crows and 4 magpies - all nesting in the tree of one of my neighbors.
I have nothing against birds - except when they land on the flat roof and conservatory - the noise is just unbelievable! The amount of poo in my garden is even worse! There's a particular spot that they all like to congregate in too. They all seem to take it in turns, wood pigeons, crows (for most of the day) and then the magpies.
I'm living in a rented house - and I can't afford any crazy gimmicks to get rid of birds - and I wouldn't be in my right mind if I wanted to shoot or poison them. So, what to do? I live in a densely populated area - so bird sound CD's are not going to go down well. I'm not in the house all day - so going out and waving my arms, clapping etc isn't going to happen.
Any suggestions? You guys helped me successfully with my fish problem last year... this year it's THE BIRDS

[solus]

Learn to love them.

I can't believe that half a dozen birds are going to make that much mess in the garden - are you sure there isn't a big flock of feral pigeons loitering about while you're out?

[Lucy_lou]

Believe me they do when they land on the conservatory roof every five seconds! I'm not being pedantic - I've lived with noisy neighbors many a time and this is far worse - especially at 5 in the morning...

...all suggestions to stop the birds perching and clawing away all day welcome.

[STYRBJORN]

You have three choices.
1.) Call in a pest controller who can use an air-rifle to give a quick clean dispatch to the menaces,
2.) Set up a bird scarer which will make more noise than all of 'em put together,
3.) Watch Hitchcock's The Birds and count your blessings.

STYRBJORN

[animartco]

What about playing them a recording of a goshawk or a raven. or a large angry cat, or getting some eagle or big cat poo from the zoo and chucking it on the roof?

[Littlesparrow]

We have a family of magpies in a large tree next door and they have eaten quite a few birds eggs in my garden and they are quite noisy. I don't take much notice of them now because all then baby birds are grown now and not in danger. Magpies are very bold, and would only clear off if I went out in the garden and shouted at them.
You could try ear plugs if they are waking you up and as you are near the seaside you could try kiddies windmills on the conservatory roof.