An incredible moment in my life (told in story format)

[John]

I don't know if you have the stamina to read this near 6,000 word story I wrote a few years ago but I hope you do. If so I would love to hear your critique of it.

I am not a writer but such was the impact of a bird that had arrived out of nowhere on the Scilly Isles on 7th October 1999 that I felt I had to write something about it. The result was a part fact, part fiction story written in a diary format. The factual part is regarding me and what was I doing and what was going on around me. The fictional part was regarding the actual bird and what he was doing and thinking through his eyes.

The bird in question was a magnificent Short toed Eagle, a first for Britain. I have seen hundreds of these abroad but the spectacle of such a magnificent bird arriving here on our shores really made an impact on me.

I have entitled the story Hedden, as that is the name I have given the bird.

Such is the size of the document that I have had to zip it up so I hope you all have the facility to unzip it and give it a try.

This was my very first attempt to writing anything and actually inspired me to write a few other fiction and non-fiction stories after that.

I hope you do read it and more to the point I hope you enjoy it.

Feel free to pull it to pieces if you want. If your critiscm is well founded it might help to actually make the story more readable.

BTW it is a zipped Word document. I opened it up and saved to disc which placed it onto my desktop but If you find you can't open it let me know and I suppose the next best thing is to copy and paste it bit by bit as a thread.

John

[Boddie]

John

You are some writer! I enjoy all of your threads. You have a fascinating eye for detail and a great way of captivating the reader. It's fantastic that you share so much with us in such an articulate manner.

Cheers

Boddie

[nightshade]

Hi john all that boddie says,I have downloaded the fil and will read it as soon as

[pheonix]

ive also downloaded the file and will read in a little while, boddie is write you have a knack for writing and i really enjoy reading your birding experiences, i could almost be there...

[John]

Thanks for the comments folks. I hope you do get the chance to read it. The story might go over some people's heads but I hope not. Let me know what you think of it if you do read it (warts & all please).

This was the first time I had written a story of any sort so I don't know how good or bad it is.

Give it me straight as you won't hurt my feelings. If it will improve the storyline so much the better.

John

[glsammy]

John,
I've just read your story and I loved it. It was easy reading and compelling. I liked the format you used, jumping from your perspective to the birds. The ending was surprising, (won't say any more, don't want to put anyone else off from downloading it.)

All I can say to anyone that looks here is DOWNLOAD IT an READ IT!

Well done John!!

[John]

Originally Posted by glsammy

John,
I've just read your story and I loved it. It was easy reading and compelling. I liked the format you used, jumping from your perspective to the birds. The ending was surprising, (won't say any more, don't want to put anyone else off from downloading it.)

All I can say to anyone that looks here is DOWNLOAD IT an READ IT!

Well done John!!

Thanks Graham. Glad someone enjoyed it enough to recommend it.

I have only shown this to a handful of people and all so far have enjoyed it. Some didn't really understand it but they are not really into wildlife like me.

John

[glsammy]

Originally Posted by John

Thanks Graham. Glad someone enjoyed it enough to recommend it.

I have only shown this to a handful of people and all so far have enjoyed it. Some didn't really understand it but they are not really into wildlife like me.

John

I can't see why anyone wouldn't understand it, I thought that was the beauty of the story line, it flowed nicely and I'd read it all in no time. As all good stories should, you don't know where it's going and you certainly don't expect the ending. You kept the style simple, didn't fill it with technical detail or terminology. I would have thought anyone that could read could understand and enjoy it.
I would have been proud to have written anything as good as this.

[John]

Originally Posted by glsammy

I can't see why anyone wouldn't understand it, I thought that was the beauty of the story line, it flowed nicely and I'd read it all in no time. As all good stories should, you don't know where it's going and you certainly don't expect the ending. You kept the style simple, didn't fill it with technical detail or terminology. I would have thought anyone that could read could understand and enjoy it.
I would have been proud to have written anything as good as this.

Like me you have an advantage in that you love wildlife and can relate to it. Some people can't and also can't understand why people like me seemed to get switched on to the most simple of things.

I think they couldn't take in the fact that I was trying to portray part of the story through a birds eye. They didn't seem to comprehend what I was trying to acheive where one part of the story is me and one part of the story is the Eagle.

John

[glsammy]

Originally Posted by John

Like me you have an advantage in that you love wildlife and can relate to it. Some people can't and also can't understand why people like me seemed to get switched on to the most simple of things.

I think they couldn't take in the fact that I was trying to portray part of the story through a birds eye. They didn't seem to comprehend what I was trying to acheive where one part of the story is me and one part of the story is the Eagle.

John

Ah well, I feel sorry for them. Any one that can't see the miracle of wildlife is missing so much of life. I do know what you mean though. I've got friends that can't understand why I get excited by seeing a Tree Sparrow!

[John]

Originally Posted by glsammy

Ah well, I feel sorry for them. Any one that can't see the miracle of wildlife is missing so much of life. I do know what you mean though. I've got friends that can't understand why I get excited by seeing a Tree Sparrow!

Unfortunately, as you know, wildlife is the last thing on a lot of peoples mind.

I do hope more people visit this thread and download it. I am a bit disappointed that only 4 appear to have done so so far. Perhaps it bares out what I have been saying.

John

[wildone]

John

I also have downloaded your story and read it. Unfortunately for me it was spoilt by several spelling errors. The story itself I did enjoy and thought it a novel way to give both the human and the bird's perspective. It is certainly well worth everybody on WAB reading it.

wildone

[John]

Originally Posted by wildone

John

I also have downloaded your story and read it. Unfortunately for me it was spoilt by several spelling errors. The story itself I did enjoy and thought it a novel way to give both the human and the bird's perspective. It is certainly well worth everybody on WAB reading it.

wildone

Thanks for that Wildone

I wil go into the story and correct them.

John

[rlchew]

John

I have downloaded your story and printed it off to read tonight. Right now it is bright and sunny and I am off out with my camera! I will give you my thoughts on Hedden later.

[Boddie]

Yeah I liked it. Very good actually, but the typos left me losing track once or twice. Apart from that fantastic. A lot of thought must have gone into such perspective?

[John]

Originally Posted by wildone

John

I also have downloaded your story and read it. Unfortunately for me it was spoilt by several spelling errors. The story itself I did enjoy and thought it a novel way to give both the human and the bird's perspective. It is certainly well worth everybody on WAB reading it.

wildone

Hi Wildone

I have done a spellcheck on the story but it has only picked up one word (and even that one I'm not sure what the correct spelling should be anyway).

Can you point me in the direction of those incorrrectly spelt words please as perhaps I might be having a problem with my spellchecker and need to know where the problem is.

You have read a good percentage of my posts and I must admit I don't usually suffer with spelling mistakes so this is a bit of a blow. Mind you when writing so much in a short space of time you do rely a bit on the spellchecker to pick out any errors you might have made.

John

[nightshade]

Very good, it looked odd in word,perhaps I should have printed it,and the jumps from hedden to yourself a little stilted not the same flow as you have on the forum but a good tale

[glsammy]

Originally Posted by wildone

John

I also have downloaded your story and read it. Unfortunately for me it was spoilt by several spelling errors. The story itself I did enjoy and thought it a novel way to give both the human and the bird's perspective. It is certainly well worth everybody on WAB reading it.

wildone

I had another look at it this morning, could only find one very slight error and even that's debatable.(southwestern, suggests south-western) Obviously in this type of document Word will throw up gramatical anomilies, but that doesn't mean it's right! All the other so called spelling errors seem to be just the names used.

[nightshade]

You used a term , the flush started, which i did not understand does it mean the bird was driven out by the agitated birders?

[wildone]

Originally Posted by glsammy

I had another look at it this morning, could only find one very slight error and even that's debatable.(southwestern, suggests south-western) Obviously in this type of document Word will throw up gramatical anomilies, but that doesn't mean it's right! All the other so called spelling errors seem to be just the names used.

I find that Word or other spellers on the computer cannot tell the subtle differences of certain words. Bare and bear are two that come regularly to mind. How often I see the wrong one being used on WAB.. To me nothing beats having a good dictionary beside the computer.

[wildone]

John

I along with nightshade would like to know what was meant in your story by:

It hadn’t shown for over three hours and a controlled flush had been organised for 3pm.

Please what is a controlled or any other "flush"?

[John]

Hi Winnie

First of all I have made all those changes you gave me, plus a few more that I found. I would have liked to have re-uploaded the story to replace the one I have attached to the start of this thread. How do I go about doing that.

Right, controlled flush. First of all there is a big difference between controlled flush and any other type of flush.

Looking at any other type of flush can be accidental or wilful. Wilful is a big no no in the birding world. No one wants to see a bird kicked out of a bush by a birder with the sole purpose of seeing a bird no matter what the consequences are to that bird.

Controlled flush is undertaken by an expert in bird behaviour that has weighed up the consequences of gently pursuading a bird to come out of hiding. They don't always work as scare tactics are not employed.

In this case the bird's behaviour pattern had been watched and a decision was made to do a control flush by just gently walking by a hedge where they knew the bird was. This was done because the bird hadn't shown for many hours and huge numbers of Birders had driven hundreds of miles, then caught the Scillonian (or in a lot of cases chartered planes) to see this very rare bird.

At the time there were well over a thousand birders there willing this bird to show. They had all been told not to come any closer than the invisible cordon line that had been drawn. We were all told to stand no closer than a certain point at the edge of the field and if the bird were to show we were not to make any move towards it and to all behave in a very responsible and orderly manner.

Once everything was in place the controlled flush took place by one Birder walking one way down the hedge line and another birder to walk the other way and to meet halfway. Upon meeting, if the bird hadn't shown, they were to do an about turn and retrace their steps. If that didn't work then nothing else was to be done and the bird was to be left in peace.

A controlled flush like this is just like you and I walking down a path and suddenly a bird will shoot out of a hedge or a tree. The bird isn't stressed out by constant chasing and harrassment but is allowed to fly off and re-locate itself out of harms way without further controlled flushing for usually many hours or even the next day if the circumstances dictate.

Personally I don't like any type of flushing but if it is to take place then controlled is the right way. The bird isn't stressed and the birders sometimes get the bird that they have spent a fortune to see.

Now I suppose I am going to get some ear bashing on this subject. If I do I think I can come up with some sound reasoning as to why this is sometimes a necessary evil.

John

[wildone]

John, sorry but I honestly do not know how you can re-upload your story. Maybe ask Stuart, Helen or fbpcmike. They seem to be the wizards of the intricasies of the Web.

Why some ear-bashing? You have answered a question with a straight forward answer. I must say that when reading your story I felt very uncomfortable when you said a cheer went up from the assembled birders. But again I was not there and although I cannot understand "twitching" I don't know enough to say whether it is right or wrong. I just know that when I see a crowd of birders all looking for a special bird, in the Titchwell car-park I have to move away. Half-a-dozen is OK for me but more than that and I feel uncomfortable for the bird. Unreasonable no doubt but there it is. Having seen too many shoots with 20 or more beaters putting the birds up.