Quote:
Originally Posted by almostnormal  1. if you drop a pen in a field, even if there are no cows, it will find the only cowpat for miles.
2. you can be in the middle of a field with seemingly no-one for miles but if you fall over whilst doing survey work, you can guarantee that at least 10 people will see.
3. no matter how careful you are, at some point you will rub your nose and then spend the rest of the day wondering why people are pointing and giggling, until some good samaritan will say 'did you know you've got mud on your nose?' and all will become clear!
4. at some point you will become overly confident in your depth perception and stand in a puddle/ditch/stream that will go straight over the top of your wellies leaving you with wet feet.
5. if you forget your waterproofs it doesn't matter if its blazing sunshine it will rain on you. likewise if you take all your waterproofs because its black and horrid looking it will end up being the hottest day of the year.
6. if you have to leap over a wall to escape stampeding livestock you will either land in a) the bit of the field where the cattle mill about the most and end up stood in 2 foot of unspeakableness, b) a deep ditch or c) a big patch of bramble infested nettles.
7. don't look up if you're stood still in a field counting stuff, because there's always a swarm of flies, and its better to not know about them, or you get paranoid.
8. even if you have sunglasses on some small annoying bug will always fly into your eye and get stuck, leaving you with uncontrollably streaming eyes which make it impossible to see
9. it pays to be careful when threading your way through long vegetation as there's nearly always a hidden ditch, and if you're not paying attention you will end up sat in it.
10. be careful when crossing those logs-across-very-muddy-area bridgey things. at least once in your lifetime the one you stand on will give way, dumping you and your backpack into the quagmire, and leaving you looking like swampy! |
Sorry, but some of this needs some amendments.
1. If you drop your pen in a field, even if it is the shortest grass, and you saw exactly where it fell - can you find it? can you heck!
2. If you fall over in a field, even if there are seemingly no cow pats or cows around, guaranteed that you will land in the only pat in the whole county.
3. No matter how careful you are, at some stage during the day you will put your fingers in your mouth and taste something vile that you were handling earlier in the day, and will taste it until you get back home and can swill your mouth out with whiskey.
4. Fine as it is, been there, done that.
5. If you take your waterproofs on what turns out to be the hottest day of the year, you end up sweating so much inside them that you are wetter than you would ever have been had it rained and you didn't have the waterproofs on you.
6. If you have to leap over a wall to avoid stampeding livestock, chances are that there is a big gap in the fence about 5 metres further up, and they just come flooding through there, leaving you to run for your life all over again, but this time without any clear idea of where safety lies.
7. Something to do with horseflies, but not sure what my point is. Also Craneflies, why do they always fly into my ears?
8. How can I possibly strike the right balance between needing to protect my eyes with sunglasses and being able to see the true colour of the vegetation I am looking at? And how do I deal with paper blindness - looking up from writing on a glaring white sheet of paper, and everything around me looks washed out as my eyes have blown a fuse.
9. Been there, done that. But what about the hidden strand of barbed wire to act as trip wire, then end up face first in nettles and thistles.
10. I Have come to the conclusion that these seemingly helpful additions to the path network are actually boobytraps set by the feckless youth, with hidden cameras waiting to capture that priceless moment on video. Actually, not priceless, I understand You've Been Framed pays £250 a time for this sort of thing. If you fall off, reassure yourself that you are therefore helping the rural economy with a cash injection courtesy of ITV shareholders.