[APC]

Hello you lot! I think I'm gonna have to wear a swimming cap to stop me pulling my hair out but then I'm blatantly gonna get a sweaty head and a weird tanline. With all that sweat it's asking for a fungal infection, perhaps I can breed candida on my scalp or something, then cultivate it on a petri dish and then send pics to the ID section to see if anyone can help me with my new mould.

Perks of job so far (after a week): turning up at my base, at the top of a cliff, looking down on the beach and the sea. Seeing old ladies with crinkly faces in bonnets walking their dogs and imagining them making jams, preserves and cake. Walking round all my sites and thinking I have one hell of a responsibility. Hour long lunch (if I'm at the base, I can use the microwave and bang me out a proper nang curry). Walking round a site where there was a big cat sighting the other day. Learning tonnes every day.

Bad bits of job: picking up other peoples oooo that they have lazily thrown down, even though they have bucket sized pockets. A minority of dog walkers. Rampaging hoardes of casuals with terrible fringes, awful tracksuit bottoms and excruciating faces.